by Kimberly Due-Vacco

Created on: September 02, 2009   Last Updated: September 05, 2009

How to cope with adolescent behavior - A mother's perspective.

When I started having babies in 1995, I was a bit of an overachiever. I couldn't wait to meet all of my children, so, I had another baby in 1996 and yet another one in 1997. I took a short break and didn't have the last one till 1999. At the time everyone looked at me agog - how could I handle all those little ones? - I heard that all the time. Even then I knew that the diapers and breastfeeding and physical exhaustion of having all those babies in the house would be nothing compared to a house full of tweens and teenagers.

Fast forward 10 years. I was SO right in my prediction. My little babies are now 14, 13, 12 and 10. We are in full-throttle tween/teen hormonal angst at our house. It is brutal - not for the faint of heart, my friend. I warn you now that the worst two year old temper tantrum does not even compare to the ramp-up of a 13 year old who is told nofor something he HAS to do/have RIGHT NOW. Add to the mix a girl who now has a cycle and hormones that are not very well regulated and a morose 12 year old and you will be wishing so badly for one more day of diaper duty. Trust me, I know from whence I speak.

Alas, we have to grow up with them, we have to take the good with the bad of this stage of development just as we did when they were babes. For me this means research. I like to figure out if my kids are some sort of anomaly or if their behavior is just something I should expect and therefore not punish them for, but yet help them to understand why they act like they do.

In my research of behavioral issues, I came across a lot of information about brain development. It seems as though a lot of the outbursts that my 13 year old has and the melancholia that my 12 year old suffers from can be linked to an as yet to be fully developed brain. Ditto my 14 year old daughter's ups and downs.

This article and others like it explain that research suggests that the teenage brain is different than that of an adult brain. The area that adults use to make decisions is in the front of the brain. This area is probably not fully developed until the mid 20s. Teenagers tend to use the more primitive, back part of the brain when they make decisions. This is the part of the brain where the pleasure centers reside. Ah...it is all making much more sense to me now.

So, when my son tells me he is unable to control his outburst at not being able to get the reward he wants RIGHT NOW, he really is unable to control

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