How I would have FIXED 'Transformers: Revenge of the Lazy Screenwriter...I mean, Fallen'.
WARNING! SPOILERS!
Well, let me start this off with the things that I would have kept...I LOVED the opening scene when the Autobots were working with the Army to hunt down the Decepticons, because that's the way the cartoon was, with the Autobots teaming up with humans and then...you see Optimus Prime in a plane and he jumps out of the plane and says "Autobots! Follow ME!" At that point, I reverted back into a 6-year-old from the 80's and was all "YAY!" And I LOVED the special effects. I loved watching a bunch of robots fight all at once and the one robot that pulled a tree out of the ground to hit the other robot over the head with it. I loved the scenes where Optimus Prime converses with the human leaders and you see him as a character and what a noble leader he is and all that. I loved Optimus Prime getting all kinds of robot parts atached to him that allowed him to fly and gave him greater power, although I would have saved that for the third film...keep reading. And I loved watching the six pieces of construction equipment come together to form Devestator, partially because I wanted that toy when I was a kid. The scene with Devestator would have been an awesome way to end a better Transformers movie, which this...was....not!
In that opening scene, we are introduced to two characters who provide 90% of the humor that just didn't work in this movie. They are refered to as 'the twins' and their names are Skids and Mudflap. I have no idea why no African-American groups have not spoken out against these characters the way they did with Jar Jar Binks, because these characters are the robot equivilant of blackface...far more obvious mocking stereotypes than a Goofy-like toad alien. Look Skids and Mudflap up online and you will see what I mean. People complain about Aunt Jemima being a racial stereotype because of her kercheif...take a look at these robots with their rapper slang and their singular gold tooth and the way they talked. Stereotypes aside, they provided a bunch of slapstick humor that just didn't work in this movie...something that other characters contributed to as well. I watched the TF cartoon when I was a kid and simply don't remember Soundwave humping anyone's leg. Yes, it was Megan Fox's leg, but I digress.
In that opening scene, we are also introuduced to two characters that Transformers fans may remember from the cartoon, a female robot named Arcee who turns into a motorcycle and a race car named Sideswipe. Those heroic characters are used in the opening scene and then these very cool characters disappear to make room for more dumb humor from Skids and Mudflap. That's the first thing I would have changed, ditched the twins for more characterization with Sideswipe and Arcee instead of reducing their role to a cameo. The scene where Optimus Prime is talking to the human leaders shows that this movie could have had more of that characterization, getting to know the robot characters, but instead, they opted to cram so much other stuff into this movie that they didn't explain and it ruined the flow of the story.
There is a scene where Sam (Shia LeBeouf's character) is getting hit on at college by a hot girl and his girlfriend Mikeala (Megan Fox) walks in on them kissing. The other girl turns out to be a Decepticon, a robot with a long tail that later comes out of her mouth for some reason, who was trying to get some information that Sam had. No explanation is given to why a race of 15 foot tall robots that normally disguise themselves as cars and trucks would have a human-sized T-1000 type who can pass for a human. It would have made more sense if a human girl was working for the Decepticons (because the Autobots also have human allies) and was hitting on Sam for that reason.
Then, halfway through the movie, we are introduced to a bunch of information that is crammed into the film about the Transformers home world (Cybertron) that could have very easily set up the third film instead of cluttering up this one...or at least been introduced slowly so that the characters have to figure things out in a way that makes sense. Again, taking out the dumb humor with Skids and Mudflap would have helped with that. There is an interesting character (Sam's roommate) who has a conspiracy theory website and who knows something about what the TFs did in the first movie and who is intrigued to learn more, so this movie should have been about him and Sam finding out what the Decepticons are up to...freeing Megatron from the watery abyss etc. while the Decepticons are after Sam. As soon as they discover what Megatron is up to (resurrecting 'The Fallen'...the original Decepticon) Optimus Prime gets 'killed' (as he does in this movie...SPOILER) by the big cool Constructicon-Devestator thing and that should have been the cliffhanger, setting up the third movie...which should have been 'Revenge of the Fallen' instead of the third act of this one. In the third movie, their mission is to resurrect Optimus Prime, they meet the original Decepticon Jetifre who switches sides (as he does in this one) and Optimus gets his rocket pack and fights Fallen.
There is some interesting tidbits in this movie about how Autobots have been coming to Earth for years prior and there is a photograph implying that there was a TF that turned into a Model-T back in those days. That would have made an awesome flashback (end of this movie...beginning of 3), TFs back in the turn of the century, which would have set up Jetfire, the elderly Autobot that we meet in this film.
Yes, when I watch movies with this much potential that just misfire, I tend to rewrite them in my head. They actually have people in Hollywood whose job is to see what is wrong with a movie and rewrite it. I would have worked for a lot less than whoever rewrote this film and the fans would have gotten a better film.