by Chad Descoteaux

Created on: September 01, 2009   Last Updated: September 03, 2009

How I would have FIXED 'Transformers: Revenge of the Lazy Screenwriter...I mean, Fallen'.

WARNING! SPOILERS!

Well, let me start this off with the things that I would have kept...I LOVED the opening scene when the Autobots were working with the Army to hunt down the Decepticons, because that's the way the cartoon was, with the Autobots teaming up with humans and then...you see Optimus Prime in a plane and he jumps out of the plane and says "Autobots! Follow ME!" At that point, I reverted back into a 6-year-old from the 80's and was all "YAY!" And I LOVED the special effects. I loved watching a bunch of robots fight all at once and the one robot that pulled a tree out of the ground to hit the other robot over the head with it. I loved the scenes where Optimus Prime converses with the human leaders and you see him as a character and what a noble leader he is and all that. I loved Optimus Prime getting all kinds of robot parts atached to him that allowed him to fly and gave him greater power, although I would have saved that for the third film...keep reading. And I loved watching the six pieces of construction equipment come together to form Devestator, partially because I wanted that toy when I was a kid. The scene with Devestator would have been an awesome way to end a better Transformers movie, which this...was....not!

In that opening scene, we are introduced to two characters who provide 90% of the humor that just didn't work in this movie. They are refered to as 'the twins' and their names are Skids and Mudflap. I have no idea why no African-American groups have not spoken out against these characters the way they did with Jar Jar Binks, because these characters are the robot equivilant of blackface...far more obvious mocking stereotypes than a Goofy-like toad alien. Look Skids and Mudflap up online and you will see what I mean. People complain about Aunt Jemima being a racial stereotype because of her kercheif...take a look at these robots with their rapper slang and their singular gold tooth and the way they talked. Stereotypes aside, they provided a bunch of slapstick humor that just didn't work in this movie...something that other characters contributed to as well. I watched the TF cartoon when I was a kid and simply don't remember Soundwave humping anyone's leg. Yes, it was Megan Fox's leg, but I digress.

In that opening scene, we are also introuduced to two characters that Transformers fans may remember from the cartoon, a female robot named Arcee who turns

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