Despite different ways

Hard to believe two people could be more different than my husband and I.

We have been married for over 20 years now and our marriage survived against all odds. It will probably survive forever despite the fact we see life through different set of lenses.

When we got married, we only knew each other for 27 day and we did not even have a common language to communicate, so broken English was the only choice.

What we had in common was a similar past; both of us were coming from ex-communist countries, both of us were divorced, both had one child we left behind against our will when, forced by circumstances, we decided to immigrate to the United States.

Most importantly we had a common goal; we wanted to build a new life in a new country, we wanted to get ahead and possibly insure a better life for the children we were hoping one day will join us.

We go about reaching our common goals in very different ways and taking different roads. My husband is an engineer by profession and for him, life is a puzzle made of parallel and perpendicular lines. There are no curves and there are no meanders in his life; just a straight line. His world is colored by black and white; no nuances of any kind will ever distract him.

In the other hand I am an artist. My world is an everlasting rainbow with more nuances than true colors. Beauty is more important to me than any practical use of things. My world is populated by dreams and hopes, while his is defined by immediate and practical goals.

My way of reaching goals takes longer, but my road is more beautiful and has more scenic views; I would say it is more interesting despite the inevitable curves I have to take, despite the "wasted time" I intentionally take in order to enjoy the infinite that opens in front of my eyes.

Nonetheless, we rarely argue, since we both know there is no sense on doing so; my husband will never change and neither will I. We learn to accept our differences of personality and style. It is still frustrating at times, but in time we understood that respect for each others values and natural tendency is more important then agreeing at what temperature to set the air conditioning or how the furniture should be placed in our house.

The 90 degree angle he lives by will always be his norm and my nightmare.

Being an engineer is more than a profession; it is a vocation. And so is being an artist.

Learn more about this author, Gabriella D'Anton.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Accepting differences in marriage?
We want to hear your view. Write now!