by S. Linda Jensen

Created on: August 31, 2009   Last Updated: September 01, 2009

When the phone rings and you hear; "Hi Honey, just wanted to let you know I'm running late tonight, again, sorry. Don't wait up, I'll be home soon as I can." These words should send a signal that all is not well on the home front. Excuses made about time spent away from home are often signals something is going on.

At first, an innocent after work drink with friends is cool, but when it becomes a habit, it is no longer cool. Why is the time away from your spouse so important for you? The answer is simple - you are no longer happy to go home to your spouse. You want to relax, you tell yourself. You tell your friends it is okay to have fun and laugh a little before heading home to the family and all that entails. Is this the truth?

Frequently, the seemingly innocent encounters at a happy hour or cafe turn into affairs. A man or woman has suddenly taken interest in you, conversation is easier, you smile and laugh more than you have in years. It feels so good having attention, being spontaneous. Suddenly it is not you, the dull married person anymore, now you are desirable, sexy, confident, and outgoing. Life is exciting again.

At home. dinner gets cold night after night. Ball games and school events are forgotten, family time is missed.The person at home is disappointed, then angry, hurt, and lonely. At first, the excuses seem logical. After all, you love and trust each other. How long can you fool anyone with your excuses and lies, especially someone who knows you as well as your spouse or partner does? You can't fool them long, for sure!

Soon a friend or family member will also notice the changes in the relationship. Your co-workers all see it and more often than not you are bragging about it to someone. The kids even begin to notice, their friends notice things have changed with your family and now the only one you are fooling is you. An affair is like a virus, it spreads a sickness, only it affects the victims in different ways.

Because you are so wrapped up in your own happiness, you fail to notice that your family sees through you. Each lie takes a toll on them. The sudden interest in things you took for granted before are a clue you have some new friend. The getting back in shape, dressing better, the unusual smiles, and a nervous need to be going someplace all the time, alone.There are phone calls that are always business but you can't talk in front of anyone. Sure, business calls. Who believes it? No one.

Travel and affairs go hand in hand. Many people

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