by Fulfilling a Dream

Created on: August 31, 2009   Last Updated: April 02, 2010

"GOD DAMNED ME?"

What does family mean to you, I would often ask my girlfriends? I have a different interpretation or idea of family. I am a Pisces, therefore I am known as an unrealistic dreamer. My idea of family is just plain ol' delusional, when it comes to the Copp Family. Amongst my family, there is a lot of extreme jealousy and horrible treatment towards one another. Sometimes it is just plain ol' hatred, fueled by a jealous rage of one having more than the other. Who lives like this? Who tolerates this type of behavior? Who accepts this type of behavior amongst family members? This behavior isn't uncommon within a family, however this type of hate-filled behavior has completely contaminated my family. I often wonder if my family has been cursed. This behavior is within 90% of my family, on my mother's side.

If someone gets a new car, it is a huge argument that usually leads to violence. If someone gets new carpet, it leads to violence. If someone loses 5 pounds, it leads to violence. What a horrible, horrible way to live. I have been running from this way of living since I was 18 years old. I looked forward to college, because it presented a great escape. I didn't have to be around this behavior; I wouldn't have to introduce my friends to this behavior; I could hide from this behavior. As much as I have tried, I have been unsuccessful in hiding or running from this behavior. The only way, I can or every will be free of this is to completely turn my back on my family. But.... who does that? That's not normal behavior.

As much as I have tried not to get involved in the gossip that leads to violence, somehow it finds me as a perfect target. I don't live in Maple, Arizona anymore, where my entire family still residence. I live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I have been here for almost seven years. I moved her from Little Rock, Arkansas, where I lived for eight years, attending college. Running. Always running. I have moved as far as I can, and I still find myself as part of the behavior. I hardly ever visit home, for holidays or family gatherings. However, I have learned that whether I participate or not, it infuriates my family, which seems to be the only thing that brings them together. I am seen as the one that 'turned my nose up to my family.' This isn't true; I just don't like their behavior. It isn't that I don't love my family or that I don't appreciate my upbringing, with very little money and tangible things, I just don't like... wait, I hate their

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