by Jane Prinsep

Created on: August 30, 2009   Last Updated: September 27, 2009

True friends are the life-blood of human existence. Our friends help us to discover who we are, they guide us on where we are going, teach us what we know and pick us up and dust us off when we fall.

When our partnerships falter or fail, we turn to our friends for affirmation and comfort. When our families disappoint or reject us, we turn to our friends for that unconditional love and security that we KNOW we will find there.

The word "friend" is such a small word, and yet it means the world. We are nothing without those who choose to love us, quirks and all, without any blood ties muddying the waters.

It seems timely now, however, to distinguish between friends and acquaintances. I used to pride myself on my large circle of friends. Whether in my local pub, the rugby club, or just walking down the high street, I used to get a very satisfactory buzz when I felt that I was "known"; that I could walk into a place and be "well-received".

I am older and wiser now.

With those maturing years and the expanding knowledge that goes with them, I can say that, in challenging times, we find out who our true friends are. I know from personal experience that after my divorce, the number of my "friends" suddenly, and inexplicably, halved. Of course, in hindsight I know now that these people were not truly my friends in the first place. Similarly, when I moved from the UK and found myself moving to foreign lands, there were many "friends" who apparently believed that Switzerland was, in fact, located in some distant universe and that British Telecom and Vodafone just simple couldn't "cut it" and offer the level of service needed to contact me.

That said, friendship cannot be measured on the time we spend with our friends, whether in person or on the phone. There is nothing better than a low-maintenance friendship, based on unconditional love. And there is nothing as beautiful as when you are back in touch with someone you care about, after some time, and the conversation and banter continues as if one of you had simply left the room to go to the lavatory.

Friends are a worthwhile investment. And invest we must. But there is a difference to be learned in what feels like effortless investment and laborious, draining and unnecessary work. Our friends should enrich and support us, and we, in turn, must do the same for them. We must give and take. Doing this in equal measures is perhaps a little too idealistic; however, we must each get what we need from the relationship. And feel happy about it.

Trust is a key issue. My boyfriend describes his levels of trust as "circles"; he has different circles of friends according to how much he trusts them. Each particular circle gets smaller as his trust in those friends increases. Apparently, there are those you would trust with your car, there are those you trust with your money, there are those you trust with your partner, and finally, those you trust with your life. True, he doesn't have a huge network of friends, but I know with all my heart that his closest friends would die for him.

My advice is this: surround yourself with a circle of those friends that you trust. The size of that circle does not matter. However, the larger the circle gets, just be aware that less time can be spent in "quality" investment.

But most importantly of all, spend time on the one true, life-long relationship we all have. Be a friend to yourself.

My smallest circle, that encloses my most beautiful friendships which I can count on the fingers of one hand, I hold very dear to me indeed; for I know that it is shaped like the sun and will be there for me until such time that I am ready for it to sink in the sky and colour my life in a golden glow.

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