by Grace Araujo Kolman

Created on: August 29, 2009

I am a pathological liar Mary told me one day. And then she added I can't live without lying. I need to admit that this unexpectedly confession was very intriguing. I had known this lady for over twenty years, and I couldn't believe my ears! The fact is that for the first time she was actually telling me the truth.

Now imagine a world where everybody would tell the truth no matter what. I would certainly receive much less compliments from friends, spouse and family. I know they tend to exaggerate a little bit. Isn't it sort of a lie too? Do you tell your colleagues exactly what you think? Are you a hundred per cent true to your thoughts about others? Perhaps we do it trying to be kind and loving; nevertheless in the end it is still a lie.

The Portuguese forensic psychiatrist Fernando Vieira explains that people lie to get what they desire. I agree. I know people in my own family who exaggerate and make up stories all the time. Sometimes they even try to manipulate people by faking a disease, a concern, or even a love that doesn't exist anymore.

According to Paul Ekman, professor of psychology of the University of California in San Francisco, to transmit false information is plus a strategy of our communication. Lying may become a habit, a style. But do we really need to tell the truth all the time? A child who wants to avoid punishment will lie to protect himself. My mom will lie about her condition to protect me, so the reasons for lying will go on and on. However, there are lies and lies. Some are harmless my mom's lies and some very destructive like Bernard Madoff who defrauded thousands of investors.

When my friend Mary talked to me about her lies, I saw a woman in profound emotional pain. Besides hurting her family, she had hurt herself even more. Unfortunately, pathological liars won't receive much sympathy from the ones they cheated. However, I believe that pathological liars are more than cheaters; they are people in need of help. But don't worry; if you are not a pathological liar, you still have a chance to reset your life without visiting a shrink.

Mary is doing better now. She taught me a good lesson: forgiveness. I became a better person after her ordeal, and I know I can trust her now, more than ever.

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