by Sharon Copeland

Created on: August 29, 2009

The first word that comes to mind when I hear about brother and sister relationships is...complicated. The dynamics of the brother and sister relationship is very diverse. Any sibling relationship, whether it be brother and sister, sister and sister, or brother and brother, is very complex. These siblings are trying to coexist together in the same house and that isn't always easy.

As I watch my own children interact I see them having an interesting relationship. It is a love/hate relationship with not much in between. There are days when they are inseparable. They love to hang out together, share jokes and music and just plain enjoy each other's company. There are also days where they can't stand to be in the same room with each other.

In a lot of families the older sibling seems to feel an obligation to protect the younger one. They will cover for their sibling, stand up to a bully, make judgements on their choice of friends, and watch out for them to keep them from getting hurt. However, these rules don't usually apply to their own conduct with their sibling. They are able to tease them, push them, borrow their stuff without permission, or just overall be mean if they feel like it.

The younger of the siblings usually seem to worship their older brother or sister. They want to be just like them, or do the same things their sibling get to do. Depending on the age difference, this can be quite a dilemma for the parents. The younger sibling can be like a shadow to the older sibling. Again, depending on the age, this can be a good thing or a bad thing.

As my children are getting older I see a maturity in their relationship that is both calming and refreshing. I see my son turning into a wonderful young man that is a little more patient with his sister. I see him watching out for her as she develops her own relationships with boyfriends, and giving her loving advice that will help guide her in her life decisions. I also see my daughter growing into a responsible young woman that respects her older brothers "wisdom" and advice.

My wish as a parent is that their brother and sister relationship that has had so many ups and downs will only continue to grow and mature. That they will be there for each other, especially when I am gone, and stay close no matter how many miles separate them when they both move out and move on with their own lives.

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