by Garry Spotts

Created on: August 29, 2009   Last Updated: August 30, 2009

In a world where youth is prized above virtually anything; we fail to cherish the richest resource in our midst. Elderly members of our families are repositories of wisdom and life enriching experience living right under our noses. If we choose, do not choose, to grow close to the mature seniors in our families, then we become poorer for having made such a bad decision.

There is an African proverb which says, "It is a mystery why the child must bump his own head." The proverb speaks directly to the experience of the parents and the elders in the family who can share wisdom that will save the children from some of the bumps of life. How can we best glean this wisdom and dip into the treasure of life experiences held in the elderly members of our families?

We can choose to actively and consciously spend time with them, but more importantly we can help them. The Jewish Law, the Decalogue teaches, "Honor thy mother and father so that you may live long in the land..." The idea communicated in the commandment is to care for our parents as they advance in age in the same way that they cared for me as I grew. By doing this, we will be modeling for our children their role with us as we advance in age.

There are many ways to demonstrate care of elderly family members and by doing so draw closer to them. Many senior adults will outlive their siblings, spouses and friends. Imagine a world where everyone you have known as a mate, a friend or a sibling slips away leaving you to mourn their passing.

Find the Common Ground

Becoming a friend to an elderly family member may be the source of their life's joy as their days draw to a close. In fact, your closeness may add quality and quantity to their life. One of the best ways to build a close relationship with an elderly family member is to take an interest in the things which interest them.

I have a surrogate mother who is advanced in age, nearing 80 years old. We have breakfast together at least 3 or 4 times each month. She is an avid plant lover and grower. Her Sun porch is full of plants that are decades old.

I decided that plants were an easy fit for our relationship, so I chose to enjoy them as well. Now, we talk about plants. She gives me pieces of her old plants which I root and grow my own. It is something we share and has become one of the ties that bind our hearts together.

Find Ways To Serve Them

A second way of growing close is to find ways to serve them that are not patronizing, but compassionate and caring. While with her, I do chores that she can no longer do such as: change overhead light fixture bulbs and check her smoke detector batteries. Recently, I changed the bulb in her electric oven because her knee replacements make kneeling difficult. I cleaned a top shelf in her kitchen cabinets that she could no longer reach because of arthritis in her shoulders.

Her gratitude and love are all the compensation I need; well, home cooked breakfasts don't hurt either. We are not related by blood, but she has become my surrogate mother and claims my children and wife as her own. I chose her because I loved her husband, who has since passed away, as a friend and fraternity brother. She thinks that she gets the better end of the deal, but I believe that I'm the one who is truly being blessed by her love, care and wisdom

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