by CC Michele

Created on: August 29, 2009

Taken from manuscript SLAVERY TO A PATTERN (or Derrida and the Deux Ex Machina)

So I'm taking a Facebook quiz to find out which Quentin Tarantino character I am, needing to have an end goal in this screaming void that is currently my future. After describing my physical appearance (embattled and tired, but still attractive, my ideal outfit (jeans and a cool jacket), and identifying who I wish to be able to call upon when times get tough (Marcellus Wallace), I move on to number four. My computer demands to know asks me to identify what I feel to be the most important trait to have, presumably responding as would a method actress preparing to meet the Q man himself. I laser scan the list and click the bubble beside "ruthlessness." It is a moment before I realize what I've done. Without thought, instinctually really, I had skipped right by love, loyalty, style, honor, courage, patriotism, and independence.

"What kind of a person am I," I chastise myself, even as I flip the switch to my Oprah-worthy inner crybaby, pointing my finger and stomping my feet. Limp with humidity, my corkscrewing pigtails bounce angrily on freckled shoulders as my inner four-year-old screws her eyebrows together and plants her arms, daring me with her little girl glare to give sound to the lie on my lips.

She scares me, so here's the truth. Love, honor, all the things on that list are noble characteristics to personify. But life doesn't play nice, and nothing comes easy. Ruthlessness, knowing what you want and owning the life you live. Having the will and getting there, wherever there is. Ruthlessness will carry you down the path toward any of the other choices on the list. Ruthlessness exists as an end only to the evil, and I don't know anyone I'd truly cast in that role. To the rest of us, it is the propulsive force that carries us to our dreams while others lie counting Serta sheep.

So in the Tarantino reels of life, who does that make me? Stuntman Mike from Death Proof, " a sociopath with a sense of humor and some good-old-boy charm, Mike really likes the ladies. Combine his creativity with some really good... driving skills and here's a guy who usually comes out on top. Unlike the women he gets interested in, who usually come out in pieces." Hmm...

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