by Ann Marie Kneeland

Created on: August 29, 2009

On the rare occasion when my children's father decides he has time for them with his "busy" schedule sometimes it can be a very nerve-wracking task, for the children as well as for myself and my boyfriend. First off let me say that my boys dad isn't a bad father, he just seems to have some priority dysfunction. If there was ever an emergency the probability of one of us being able to reach him would be slim.

My oldest who is 5 1/2 doesn't seem to have much a problem transitioning from home to dads and back. He loves spending time with Daddy but he's always glad to be home with lots of hugs and kisses and a detailed description of what he did at Daddy's along with questions about what we have planned at our house for fun activities. When there are giant gaps in between his times spent with Daddy he asks me the usually unanswerable question of when he's going to Daddy's, as well as the questions of where Daddy is and what's he's doing; both of which I usually answer "Daddy's either working or at home" which satisfies his curiosity

My 3 year old however has a very hard time adjusting from one home to the other, even when gone from our home for an overnight visit with Dad. He doesn't want to leave and will cling to me when Daddy comes to pick him up and will also do the same thing to his father when he is brought back home to me. It's very heartbreaking to see a 3 year old in hysterical tears, clinging to you saying "Mommy take me!". It's even more heart-wrenching after he's been at Daddy's and he doesn't want Daddy to leave or wants to go back with Daddy. Usually we end up having to distract him with a favorite toy or a fun game to get him to calm down and stop crying. I think in his 3 year old mind if he leaves home he won't come back or if Daddy leaves he will never see him again. We've tried talking to him about this but with his child-mind he doesn't seem to understand.

As for the baby who is 2 years old. He loves going back and fourth and is always ready to come home. With a quick kiss and hug from Daddy he's ready to climb up in my arms with happy "hi's" and abundance of kisses and hugs without a backwards glance. He isn't even home more than a couple of minutes and he's ready to scope out the house to make sure everything is in order and nothing has changed in his absence, then he toddles off happily into the bedroom and play with toys.

The great thing about our parenting from Dad's to home is that we have the same rules and regulations between both homes. The children know when they come in from outside they are to take their shoes off put them where they go. Neither one of us allow unsafe play such as jumping on the beds. We both use time outs as disciplinary actions as result of making bad choices. There is only slight differences in out parenting skills so it makes it a little easier for the children to transition from home to dads and back.

Let me close by restating that my children's dad isn't a bad parent but his job and other aspects of his life seem to be of more importance to him then spending time with his own children. It's great that the man has a job but he could take more time for the children if he chose to. After all, they are only young once and you can miss so much in the first few years of a child's life. I couldn't imagine not being there for first words, or first steps, or any other development milestone for that matter. I know my children love the precious time they get to spend with their father but we are always glad when they come home again.

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