by Shannon S. Harwell

Created on: August 29, 2009

Ah, running. I used to love my peaceful time jogging for exercise after dinner or with a friend. Running was a great way to clear my head, breathe the fresh air, get the heck away from my kids (a huge plus!), and attempt to keep my inevitably aging body in some sort of presentable condition (especially cloaked by the right clothes).

Fast forward a decade and the word "running" now equates, in my mind, to "um, NOT!" If someone sees me running now, either my house is on fire, my children (who created this body that needs some exercise, thank you very much) are in danger, or I've won the lottery and am on my way to claim my prize. Otherwise, there's no way this old lady is running for any reason.

Why abandon running? There are quite a few reasons this gal doesn't run these days.

1) This sight would inevitably demonstrate the very physical deformities that used to propel me to run! Picture it: Everything is a bit saggier, further south, or floppier than it used to be. Running only emphasizes this! I can just imagine what I look like in my running attire, jogging proudly down the street. No bra in the world would control the pitiful flailing. That baby "pooch" would be everywhere EXCEPT in my underwear. And I'm sure the sight of my bouncing behind would make drivers vow never to take that route again!

2) Boy, do I pay for it. I know because I have tried recently. Halfway down the block I heard my knees screaming, "GO HOME", my feet grumbling, "Oh, come on now", and my lungs threatening to call an ambulance. Couple these things with arthritis, a pigeon-toed stride, and some health conditions and I find myself turned around, back at home, and flounced across the bed (sweat and all) under the fan asking myself how I could be THAT stupid!

3) I'm just too old to be so worried about the benefits of running now. Sure, it's supposed to improve cardiovascular health, help burn fat, and keep bones and muscles strong, but for me, the risks outweigh the potential benefits. I think if I try running these days, I'm more likely to drop dead from heart failure, faint from shock, or be shot by someone putting me out of my misery!

Ah, running. It ain't for sissies (or old ladies!), you know.

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