by Timo Cerantola

Created on: August 28, 2009   Last Updated: August 29, 2009

Corporate Chimps Run Our Economy (into the ground)

In view of our recent banking dysfunction and in order to understand the economic predicament we now find ourselves in, one must understand the motivations of those individuals who played the largest part in creating this disaster, namely a curious creature known as the "corporate chimp."

This vulgar, mercenary creature er... animal, officially referred to as corporatus chimpus suckupaloticus, lives for the sole purpose of kissing up to the world's corporate elite - their main focus in life being the worship of money and attainment of wealth.

And, though these greedy mammals have existed throughout history, the present financial morass we now find ourselves in is due in large part to a particular branch of the species - a subspecies of the group discovered in the early 20th century in the Wall Street swamp.

This corporate chimp is an altogether peculiar species. Identified by a black or dark blue suit, which often turns to a grayish color in more aged chimps. The number one job of the corporate chimp is to acquire money for itself and the corporation - (actually it's their number two job after they get up off their knees).

The twentieth century corporate chimp is usually, though not exclusively, found in one of seven main habitats: the Federal Reserve, corporate board rooms, banks, AM talk radio/the 'mainstream' news media, law firms, the Wall Street swamp and of course, politics. Recently, a substantially large number of these corporate beasts have migrated their way into the upper halls of government around the globe.

Though a majority of the chimps gravitate towards money, the most dangerous of corporate chimps head straight for politics, usually after a brief stop-over in law.

Shameless bootlicking and sucking up to wealth and political power, form the main characteristics of the chimp. This parasitic bipedal mammal also displays an innate propensity to disregard any basic moral code or rules of fair play, by showing an eager willingness to eliminate ethics and/or switch loyalties, at a moments notice, should the possibility of monetary gain arise.

Generally active from dawn to dusk, the corporate chimp typically sleeps in a luxurious home and does most of its foraging for food in expensive restaurants and in corporate boxes at sporting events. And, although sucking at the corporate teat seems to form the bulk of the chimp's behavior, the teat offers very little nourishment and thus many chimps have been

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