by Garry Spotts

Created on: August 28, 2009

It has been observed that we have two eyes and two ears to receive information and only one mouth to send information and that we ought to use them in that proportion. If we use this as a model for relationships we should invest 80% of our time listening and focusing on the other person and only 20% of the time speaking. Listening is a skill that can only be acquired through diligence and practice.

Dale Carnegie, in his famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, said, "So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist; be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments."

Building healthy relationships requires a few well developed skills and some degree of creative artistry. Yet no skill is more valuable than the art of listening. One of the greatest challenges in many relationships is that we don't listen to what people say and worse, we don't listen for what they aren't saying.

The True Value of Relationship

If you fail to value relationship, then you will not study the art of listening. Relationship is the chief concern of healthy people. Studies show that married people live longer lives than their single counterparts. Healthy growing relationships add dimension and depth to our lives. We express ourselves through relationships and we discover more about ourselves through relationships.

The true value of relationship is found in its ability to multiply us, to magnify our gifts and to compensate for our weaknesses. We are made better by the complement of healthy relationship.

Healthy Relationships Thrive on Good Communication

Thriving community is rooted in healthy communication. Healthy communication is build upon the skill and art of listening. We listen to and focus upon the things or the people we value the most. Our relationships are molded and made by the give and take of communication.

One of the chief challenges to a healthy relationship is "noise" otherwise known as "static" in the channel between the speaker and the listener. We all interpret what we see, hear and perceive through the filter of personal experiences, biases and attitudes. Often we fail to hear what the other person means because we interpret their words in ways that fail to capture their intended meaning.

Dr. Osmo Wiio, the Finnish researcher concluded four things about communication which have become known as "Wiio's Laws". His insights

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