by Larry Powers

Created on: August 27, 2009

Relationships, in all their detailed intricacy, require communication. Many people have problems establishing quality relationships because of some inherent misunderstandings of effective communication. Good communication requires mutual respect. When consideration for one another is lost, communication becomes unpleasant.

When considering the concept of communication, the first thing that comes to mind is usually speaking or talking, but there is so much more to effective communication. While we may not achieve perfect, pleasant communication at all times, we will come closer by understanding a few aspects of relational communication.

Each one of us probably has at least one relationship where communication always seems to go sour. An acquaintance and I often have talks that lead to conflict - our conversations are normally antagonistic and negative. As I contemplate the causes of our strife, I realize I don't trust him and display my mistrust through my body language and facial expressions when he is talking. He verbalizes his mistrust in words that often create strong, negative emotions in me. One mistake we both make is continually referring to what happened in the past rather than staying focused on the present. When the conversation continually evolves to circumstances of the past, there is little chance for resolution.

A few times when speaking with this person, I noticed that I flicked my hand, as if to wave off the value of what he was saying. This was clearly annoying and frustrating to him, as witnessed by his reactions. In order to maintain a pleasant conversation, it is important that we value what the other is saying, if for no other reason than it is his opinion or belief. When we avoid eye contact and don't show concern, we are not making progress or building meaningful communication. Both speaker and listener will sense a lack of interest or concern. Negative body language and facial expressions - especially frowning or smirking - are disruptive to effective conversations.

Productive communication requires good listening. Good listeners focus on what is being spoken. Many people are contemplating a response instead of paying attention to what the other person is trying to articulate. A good listener will hear both the words and the feelings behind the words. But this kind of listening takes much practice, for it is not the way we have been trained. This manner of listening is given generously in respect for the other person.

Responding to the

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