by Audrey Carey-Haick

Created on: August 26, 2009

CAN YOU BUY EXPENSIVE GIFTS IN ORDER TO WIN THE AFFECTION OF YOUR CHILDREN?

Buying our children expensive gifts in order to win their affection is a common trend among some parents, who for one reason or other harbor feelings of guilt. It could be due to a divorce or separation; guilt because minimal time is being spent with the children either because of long hours of work or frequent need to travel. Usually these parents have made their work the first priority in their lives. In order to ease that feeling of guilt due to the choices they make,

expensive gifts are given to their children to compensate for their absence.

However, in the long run children are not impressed. Almost all children prefer a parent's love and everyday interaction- demonstration of love-smiles hugs and kisses; a parent's concern for their school work, their friends; and their hopes and aspirations. These are more desired by children regardless of their age, race or nationality.

When expensive gifts replace the giving of a parent's self, children react displaying many signs of neglect. Their school work suffers, they seek acceptance from anyone, especially from people they would not usually have dealings with. They become secretive and lose self esteem; all because they truly believe that they are unwanted and unloved. Children become vulnerable to all the negative aspects in a society. In the end you will find that they have become mirrors. They reflect what they have seen and learned and this carries into adulthood.

In some cases were the problem is not corrected before the child reaches the teen years, their behavior accelerates and manifests in the use of harmful and illegal practices that makes them "feel good" about themselves, even if it is temporary. As parents we would do well to make our children the first priority in our lives. We should all remember that they did not ask to be a part of our family. While the ability to provide for our children is a necessary blessing, it should not take precedence over personal attention, love and interaction with them.

Recently, since the economic hardship began, there have been horrendous stories about unfortunate parents who took not only their own lives but the lives of their children, all because they had lost their income and other material possessions. Those parents saw their children as liabilities- like the houses and cars they could no longer afford. Yet, thankfully, there were others who found themselves in the exact same situation but saw their children as assets-as precious gifts, perhaps new hope for the future of the world, not like possessions they could no longer afford. They faced their hardship and thought of their children first.

Although the media has been guilty of only reporting bad news, some do report some good news stories. There was one story I recall of parents who knew what their first priority was and lived accordingly. These parents had four children who ranged in ages from two years to 15 years. When the devastating news that both parents had lost their jobs hit home- they went ahead and scheduled their usual family night. The mother managed to make their favorite desert to share. The father took the initiative to tell the children about their new situation and changes they would have to make. Much to their surprise, each of the children arose, hugged their parents telling them it was ok, that they would all help as long as they had each other and that everything would be alright!

This proves that children, as much as they love expensive gifts, would much prefer a parent's presence in their lives more than anything else.

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