by G. Emma Ryder

Created on: August 26, 2009

Anger is a response, it is neither good or bad in its self. But what someone does with this anger is most definitely a potential problem. Anger is usually a second or third conversion of another emotion. Frustration, hate, guilt, shame, the list is endless. The children learn to deal with their emotions based on what they see we, as adults do with our feelings. Having a flaw in our character can set a child up for future problems of the same kind.

Emotional responses to problems allow anyone to vent but to deal with the underlying problem requires learning coping skills with dealing with problems. Coping skills can vary depending on the child's age and maturity. If a child throws a toy and folds his arms around him and starts to cry; frustration, loneliness, pity was his first response when you ask him whats wrong, he will get angry and the next response is hitting. Instead, you may want to sit down beside him and start to play with the toys. Making the toys do something that he did not know they would do. This will divert his attention from his emotional state and on to normal play. Letting the frustrations of being alone for the time being left for a better less emotional moment when he can learn to better cope with entertaining himself. Some parent use food as a diversion but that is not a good solution to an emotional problem.

Do not internalize that you have created this anger in the child. Children can get angry about anything at any time. But dealing with their response can change a miscommunication into an all out battle with the wrong handling of the situation. Let them have their emotional vent once it is settled down, approach them with questions about the cause of their upset. Listen actively to their problem, give them a number of better choices to deal with the problems or help to put this problem in its proper place. Many times, one problem rolls into another and another and by the time they get home their entire day was a complete disaster. Teach them how to sort through each problem separately and minimize its complexity so they can get a better understanding in dealing with issues, chaos and drama.

Later, you can discuss the slamming doors, shouting and bad language that was their results of their emotional outburst. It will not change the satisfaction they received by slamming that door to keep one more thing from happening but they may not slam it quite so hard. Learning to think through situations and keep their emotions under check, is a response that requires many years to master.

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