For every action there are consequences. If you eat a pound of Ex-Lax because you like chocolate, the consequences will be time spent on the toilet quite possibly when you least want to be there. But watch out if the stuff is baked into cakes or cookies. Some Ex-Lax brownies were handed out to students in a class back in high school and the teacher was wondering why he had to go so often. Too bad one of the girls that ate one didn't know what was in it. She hadn't gone before she got on the bus to go home. I can picture her now with her legs squeezed together so hard that she looks like she has only one leg or she is sitting straddling the trash can at the back of the bus and the other kids are waving their hands trying to push the stink back to her.

If you tell a fat girl she has a pretty face, the consequences might be either a thank-you or a "What about the rest of me? Don't you think the rest of me is pretty? Or are you some sort of chubby chaser that thinks telling a girl like me that she has a pretty face will make her feel good about herself? Guys like you make me sick. Not sick enough to miss my next meal. But sick anyways."

If you tell a guy that he has pretty muscles and a cute behind, you better be a beautiful girl because if you're a guy and you tell him that, the consequences might be a fat lip and a black eye, or you might be considered gay, or you might find out he is gay when he tries to plant a wet one on your lips.

If your cousin has a puppy that is a few months old that you nickname "Chickendog" because he seems to be afraid of everything, the consequences could be that the dog grows up to be a vicious beast that tries to take a chunk out of you. That's one of the reasons why I like cats. At least they don't grow up to be monsters.

If you try to find out how to handle an alligator and your instructor is nicknamed Stumpy, the consequences might be the nickname "One-Armed Willy."

If you are a hunter and you see the sign NO TRESSPASSING on the gate of a fence or on some trees and you go in anyways, the consequences might be a backside full of buckshot or the state police parked waiting for you.

If you buy an Italian sports car, there are many consequences. One is higher insurance costs. Another is the potential of daily speeding tickets. A third consequence is a much smaller bank account. Another unexpected consequence might be an angry wife if you and your car attracts the attention of beautiful girls which could bring another consequence. You'll have some angry husbands of boyfriends of the girls that your car attracts.

Today, the consequences of being a gentleman might be some angry looks from feminists when you open a door for them. But if you let the door slam in their face, you might get some more angry looks and profanity as a consequence.

Even offering someone a seat on the bus or the subway could produce the consequence of either a thank-you or a "Do I look like I'm an old person who is too tired to stand?" And if the person is a buxom beauty, the consequence might be "So you want to look down my dress at my boomidy boomiders."

I have a friend I call "Crazy Dan." The consequences for arguing with him when I am right and he is wrong but he is more than confident that he is right are profanity, being called bumblebee brain, and being shouted at. But if I agree with him and then change my mind when I realize who I am agreeing with, the consequences are the same plus him constantly reminding me that I did agree with him and it's not right to change my mind. But then again, I knew the consequences of becoming his phonemate years ago. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.

Learn more about this author, Rick Badman.
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