by Timo Cerantola

Created on: August 25, 2009   Last Updated: September 17, 2009

The Art of Zen Budgeting

In view of the nasty recession we presently find ourselves in, it is only natural to feel anxious about making ends meet. But, do not worry. As the creator of a money-saving philosophy called "Budgetarianism," I the self-proclaimed Dalai Lama of Frugality will now share with you the secrets of financial happiness.

For many years, my friends and family have referred to me as 'the cheapest man in the universe.' True. My parsimonious ways are legendary. And now, as a public service, I will make this money saving knowledge available to you free of charge. Read on and learn, as you too can become a Budgetarian Master. Similar to the Eastern traditions of Buddhism, Budgetarian enlightenment also contains four noble truths:

Truth number 1. Suffering is inevitable. Truth number 2. That Kraft Macaroni and Cheese eases suffering. Truth number 3. Further suffering ensues as a result of too Kraft Mac & Cheese. And finally, truth number 4. Even if you're having steak, your kids will prefer to eat Kraft Dinner anyways.

In many ways a Budgetarian is similar to a vegetarian; only the vegetarian intentionally omits meat from their diet whereas the Budgetarian omits meat as a result of economic circumstance. But, either way you look at it; both can be considered "barn-yard friendly."

The Budgetarian diet, though similar to that of his or her cousin the vegetarian, will occasionally include meat as some deviously clever Budgetarians have invented several ambiguous pseudo-meat creations such as Spam, baloney, wieners and Alpo - each one specially developed for those with a taste for meat but with limited funds.

Other 'mock meat' substitutes such as Budgetarian Meatloaf are a prime example of frugality at its finest. Containing only trace elements of 'moo' and vast amounts of oatmeal and breadcrumbs - rounded out with tomatoes, zucchini, carrots, celery and lint from your clothes dryer, this low cost loaf easily qualifies as an edible non-toxic in most dietitian food guides.

*Note: Budgetarian Meatloaf is very high in polyester, a very important Budgetarian fibre.

What about Budgetarian excitement you may ask?

Well for entertainment, Budgetarians rent DVD's. Many video stores offer great rental deals on older titles as long as they are not first run, classics or have any entertainment value whatsoever. Titles such as "Surf Nazi's Must Die", "Cooking meatloaf with Meatloaf" and "Morons from Outer Space" is readily available at a low rental cost.

Or,

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