by Melody Hearndon

Created on: August 25, 2009

As one ponders this question about male/female friendships, one must definitively define the meaning of friend. A friend is defined as someone one knows well, and is regarded with affection and trust. With that in mind, what difference does it make that friends are the opposite sex? Perhaps the real question is can men/women be friends without sex being an issue?

As a woman, I'd like to answer this with as much honesty and clarity as possible. What is the real reason that men and women can't be friends? If sex is the only viable reason, then you were never friends to begin with. As women, we are more inclined to the emotional side of relationships, whereas men are analytical.

Women tend to carry their feelings and emotions in almost all that we do. On the other hand, men feel this need to hide behind feelings as though they're a bad thing. It's a weakness, therefore best to stay hidden behind the macho image they re-enforce albeit, mannerisms, physical attributes, or the tough-guy attitude.

As with any relationship, trust is the main component. A relationship doesn't stand a chance male or female if trust is not in place. Trust is the foundation that sustains a friendship. This person that you've befriended must have had attributes that drew you in the first place.

When choosing a friend, ones physical appearance is noted, but should that be the only attribute to acknowledge? What about personality traits? What about having things in common? Are these not things that we seek overall be it friendship or our lifelong mate? There has to be a moment when one says, that's it. That's what I've been looking for my whole life? Where have you been?

As a woman with a man as a best friend, not once did I take into consideration that fact that he is male and I am female. We are just two people that have had this incredible lifelong adventure that I wouldn't change for the world. We go back as far as when we were in diapers, and here we are 50 years later, stronger than ever. There is no way to put a value on that.

We went to elementary, middle school and high school never once skipping a beat. We've shared more secrets than the distance between the earth and the moon. We've laughed, cried, loved and been inseparable from day one. That's unheard of in today's society.

My husband knew from day one that Joel was my best friend. If he wanted a relationship with me, we were a package deal. My husband in is wisdom took it upon himself to get to know Joel before we were married. After which his acceptance meant our relationship could move forward.

We've been married 26 years, and Joel continues to be very much part of the family. We share our holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, and even deaths together. We are likening to that of a ring that's a complete circle. There is no beginning and there is no end.

Over the years, there have been those that just don't understand the relationship or the friendship. That's sad for so many reasons, but mostly because it makes those that don't understand it...uncomfortable. It's not up to me to maintain your comfort level. Passing judgment on things that you don't understand is ignorant on so many levels.

I've always encouraged my boys (24 and 22) to have friendships with girls. We are not a species to be frightened of or weary of. Our only differences are physical, and that's not a reason to reject a friendship. Women and men balance each other as well as compliment each other. To ignore that one could miss out on the best friend they ever had.

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