by Jon Brown

Created on: August 25, 2009   Last Updated: April 11, 2011

As an adult at the beginning of any new relationship, we have choices and decisions to make concerning how we want to be treated and what we will allow from other people over time. Most, if not all of us, have experienced a bad relationship first-hand and we know all too well the damaging effects it can and does have. A relationship filled with emotional and verbal negativity, constant blame, and toxic finger pointing is most certainly, over time, going to lead to lower self-esteem.

Good or bad relationships are what they are because of what we allow within them. And what we allow within our relation-ships is directly connected to our self-esteem. We teach other people how to treat us, and we do so each and every day based on what we tolerate from others, be it their words, behaviors or attitudes. This is why it is so important to understand what self-esteem is, how we create and grow our self-esteem, and what we can do within our relationships, be they new relationships or old ones, to insure as few bumps and bruises to our self-esteem as possible.

There is only one thing that makes a relationship chronically bad over the long-term, and that is our willingness to submerge those parts of ourselves that we like, love and respect. The moment we give up who we are for the sake of who someone else thinks we should be, just so they will like us or so we can avoid short-term confrontations, we are doomed to suffer the effect and consequences of that choice, which is low self-esteem.

It's not the insulting comment, or the lack of verbal encouragement that, over time, makes us feel bad about ourselves. What makes us feel bad is that we value someone else's view of us as more important than how we value ourselves. A hurtful comment stings in the immediate moment, of that there is no doubt, but over time our personal self-worth can only come from us, from our inner self-talk and our personal accomplishments and achievements over time.

Positive self-esteem includes our personal conviction and belief in our fundamental worthiness as a human being. It is also about our internal belief and confidence in our skills, abilities, thoughts, ideas, actions and emotions. Self-esteem is rooted in knowing that our mind is competent and that we - as a person, as a human being, as a self - are worthy of personal happiness and success.

High self-esteem is a reflection of our mental, emotional and spiritual confidence. It is a reflection of our certainty that we are able to succeed,

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