by Jerry Grace

Created on: August 24, 2009   Last Updated: August 27, 2009

When I noticed this title, I was immediately reminded of my teenage son who used to say, "Cry me a river, build me a bridge, then get over it." I am sure this not an original saying, but its message is insensitive, to say the least. Looking back on the events happening in his life at the time, I am positive this was his way of dealing with grief as a teenager. Not everyone experiences grief in the same way so there is really no "cookie-cutter" way to deal with this unwelcome intruder. If we want to live life and not get bogged down in the grief it is important to deal with it. That being said, the following is an outline of how people can deal with their grief in their own way.

First of all, it is important for the one grieving to recognize the stages (numbness, joy, anger, responsibility, fear, hopelessness, guilt, forgiveness, healing to name a few,) in which he or she experiences during a grief process. One person can feel anger as their initial grief response: another could experience numbness. It really doesn't matter which stage comes first for you; what matters is your ability to recognize the stage you are in and face that strange feeling in your life.

Next, do something appropriate to release the feeling rather than trying to reel it in. Control the action not the feeling. Some people face their grief by watching a touching movie while others take hikes in the forest. Throwing cooked potatoes at a wall was my favorite but one of my friends liked throwing old coffee mugs or glass into a bed of rocks just to hear the sound. If you are a person who believes in prayer, now is as good time as any to lift one up. You are the only one who can really say what will work best for you. Others will try to tell you what to do for therapeutic recreation; but, you are ultimately the expert when it comes to your process. If you have friends who will listen to you talk about your grief and cry with you without trying to "fix" it for you, you are truly blessed.

If none of this seems to work then perhaps finding a counselor or therapist help you in a more professional way is the best option. Sometimes people take medications to temporarily temper the harsh feelings that grief can bring. This is a much better approach than using something illegally because illegal drugs are dangerous and can cause more guilt for using them. Same with using liquor or tobacco to help with the emotional pain one feels. These "aids" are there to mask the symptoms and do little to nothing in helping one recover from grief.

Times change and so do people. This is evident in the fact my son, now twenty-five, is more willing to listen before commenting. He no longer has the need to use the illegal drugs and alcohol to ease his pain. From his near death experience when using a combination of the two he learned that grief was no longer something you could just "get over" but something everyone has to face at some point in their lives. Discovering early that grief is best dealt with head on and worked through will allow you to become a healed, whole person; therefore ready, once again, to tackle anything life has to offer.

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