by Darryl Miles

Created on: August 24, 2009

Department of Education's plan to boost American test scores.

American students score among the lowest of all developed nations on international tests. The Department of Education has developed a new policy to combat America's low scores. The introduction of new course material that is more relevant to today's world will be proposed to the international testing agencies. Countries that don't support the measures will have an embargo placed on them since America's low test scores hurt the economy and are therefore acts of terrorism.

Standard international education tests are heavily geared toward math and science. This unfairly favors poor countries since they have delegated less of their math and science work over to computers and poor countries. The new testing will put more up to date testing alongside the math and science. This should level the playing field for countries whose main export is jobs.

The first new test will be based on the students' ability to play and win video games. The video game industry produces billions of dollars in revenues each year and ignoring this segment of the economy would lead to financial ruin. There is a very strong link between how many hours kids spend playing video games and how rich that country is. A policy of mandating a few hours of video games everyday at school could produce dramatic economic results. Video games also test hand-eye coordination as well as provide very moderate exercise. The skills used to play video games will also be put to use in the future to control the robots that will replace all workers in the next few years.

The second addition will be a test of the student's skills on Facebook. They will be given a false identity and create a page for it. Points will be given for speed at which they can get 100 friends as well as how many times they can update their status in a day despite their actual status in life remaining the exact same. It is a well accepted fact that the world is now flat. In this new world those that can friends will far out produce those that make goods.

The last addition is a test of critical thinking skills. Students will be given a list of twenty five questions and they must answer all of the questions using nothing but a set of encyclopedias and Google. Students that use the encyclopedias will receive a failing grade on this portion. Students who think critically enough to Google the question will score passing grades and those clever enough to Google Wikipedia then search it in there will receive bonus points.

The Department of Education is confident these new tests are more in line with the education needs of today. It is unnecessary for people to be able to perform math and science if they can find a website that will do math and science for them. Those with the most online friends are in the best position to find these websites, which maybe considered the most precious natural resource on the planet.

It is estimated that with the addition of these new tests America will go from approximately 25th in the world to somewhere in the top three along with Japan and Sweden. With our new position at the forefront of international education America's economic future will be secured. Our economic future is so important the Department of Education is seeking a $200 billion dollar stimulus to make sure this plan is implemented. With some of the money an institute will be established to hire people to study video games, Facebook, and Wikipedia all day to see how America can further it's advantage in this growth industry.

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