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Humor: When the federal government attempts to fix the economy

by Darryl Miles

Created on: August 24, 2009

The car that will save GM.

Since it's acquisition of the majority of GM's stock the federal government has drawn upon its human resources to help the company develop the car that will put it back in the black. The stated goal of the project is to produce a car that is, reliable, easy on the environment, safe, and attractive.

Department of Labor representative Bob Hathaway was charged with selecting the team and providing a frame work for them to work together within. To pick his team Mr. Hathaway went through the personnel records of each of every major government agency. The job was so important to our national economy he would only settle for the very best and brightest, assuming that they met the guidelines of minority or protected group status. To assure that we keep the very best people for this project vital to our nation's economy, no one will be allowed to work more than 40 hours per week and they will all be given 4 weeks paid vacation per year in addition to parental leave and ample sick/personal days.

To lead the way on reliability Director Hathaway tapped a top engineer at NASA. Sandra Phillips is a 20 year veteran at NASA and has worked on Columbia missions and the Mars lander program. She plans on using her knowledge of cutting edge technology to create the world's most reliable car. Since the majority of mechanical problems come from having so many moving parts she has dramatically redesigned the cars power train. Instead of an internal combustion engine burning gasoline the car will use tanks of hydrogen and oxygen to cause a very energetic reaction powering a turbine. This should reduce maintenance costs dramatically. To ease public fears about pumping rocket fuel themselves the design borrows from the space shuttle. The fuel tanks can be jettisoned and replaced with pre-filled tanks. This should reduce fuel up time dramatically. This will also be the cleanest mass production engine ever since the only emissions are water vapor and spent fuel tanks.

This will already be the cleanest car in history but Director Hathaway wanted to make sure it was as efficient as could be so he brought in a consultant from the EPA. According to the consultant the biggest waste of most vehicles is the fact that they usually only contain one passenger and efforts to increase car pooling have largely failed. To increase carpooling the car has been designed with a unique operating system. The steering wheel is still in the front left position;

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