by Sergio Silva, M.D.

Created on: August 24, 2009

How to Engage in Meaningful, Successful Psychotherapy

More people than ever before are seeking professional counseling services. Thankfully, the stigma of seeing a mental health professional is waning and people are becoming better educated regarding the various options available to them. Needless to say, psychotherapy can be extremely helpful and-assuming there are no major contraindications (see below) and the client-therapist relationship is a good fit-it is almost always a good idea if a person is at all interested in it. Unfortunately, a trial of psychotherapy can also result in disappointment and/or even greater confusion. This article discusses how to embark upon meaningful, successful psychotherapy by setting goals, avoiding pitfalls and engaging your therapist.

Pick the right therapist. Because the start of a successful psychotherapeutic endeavor begins with the therapeutic relationship itself, selecting the right therapist is of paramount importance. This not only gets you off to a good start, but will prove absolutely vital to your ultimate success. It is a complicated issue, and there are no guarantees, but it is the sine qua non of engaging in successful therapy. It is also one of the most uncertain tasks, especially when practical considerations such as geographical location, availability and cost come into play.

A therapist is not a friend. Therapists and clients do not, and should not, socialize outside of scheduled appointments. While many clients want to become friends with their therapists and even understandably consider themselves to be on friendly terms, it is never appropriate for a degreed professional to seek personal validation and social enjoyment by dropping his professional role and adopting the client as a friend. This is not only counterproductive, it is unethical. Similarly, a therapist is not a parent, a therapist is not a policeman, and a therapist is not a personal savior.

A good therapist is well-trained, experienced, non-judgmental, empathetic, unbiased, open to feedback, transparent (honest, upfront and sincere), and directive when you need it or ask for it. She is there to facilitate your growth and to help you help yourself and solve your own problems; she is not there to take charge or solve them herself. See my previous article, "How to Pick a Good Therapist", for some general guidelines in making this selection.

More specifically, the type of therapist you choose to see may depend upon

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