by J.A. Jennings

Created on: August 23, 2009   Last Updated: August 24, 2009

Turning 40 commands a birthday celebration of some kind, whether an intimate getaway for two, dinner with your spouse, or an over-the-top party for hundreds. Since entering the decade of the Big 4-0, I have witnessed an array of approaches to what should justly be referred to as a rite of passage. Some of my friends host elaborate home parties with friends and family, others celebrate with a girls-only weekend at a winery or spa resort, while a few of my friends absolutely refuse to acknowledge their birthday at all.

My fortieth birthday almost two years ago held special meaning for me. I do not like to be in the spotlight, especially on my birthday, so I approached my fortieth as a gift and an opportunity to celebrate the relationships I'd built along the way. My birthmother had died of acute leukemia at 39, just two months prior to her fortieth birthday and years before I finally had the drive and tools necessary to search for her. In approaching my own birthday, I thought: How could I possibly pass up an opportunity to honor life, to be grateful for my own health, and to share my enthusiasm for the coming decade with my good friends and family?

For several months I considered the many ways I could celebrate without focusing attention on myself, not an easy task. My husband and I had already decided we would book our timeshare in Hawaii for the actual week of my birthday and invite my mom to join our two children and us. What more could I ask for? A week on Maui is more than enough for anyone, and yet, I wanted more. The pull of missed friends and a keen awareness of life's fragility beckoned to me. Gently I dropped hints about wanting to throw a party at our house some time.

The end result was a surprise party at a local Mexican restaurant one week before we left on our trip. We munched on tacos, devoured guacamole and chips, drank endless margaritas, listened to classic tunes from our youth, and shared memorable conversations. My husband brought out a cake with candles (just one in the middle, God bless him!) and my friends insisted on bringing presents, but I felt like we had thrown a party just for the sake of fun and catching up with one another. It was the perfect 40th birthday for me.

The message here is: Don't ignore your 40th birthday! It's better than the alternative of not having a birthday at all, if you know what I mean. For many of us who choose to have children later in life, the fortieth decade of life is going to be a return to our earlier selves, with hobbies and passions, maybe travel, and hopefully a better sense of self. What's not to celebrate?

If you abhor parties, then treat yourself to a weekend away, plan a brunch with friends, maybe visit relatives you haven't seen in years, spend it quietly on our own at a day spa, invite neighbors for a bonfire on the beach, go to an amusement park with your spouse and don't take the kids, or do something you've always wanted to do but were always too scared to try (legal, of course, like parasailing). Whatever you do, make your fortieth birthday the best one for you.

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