by Simonne Liberty

Created on: August 22, 2009

Having been terribly shy as a child myself, I understood exactly what my son Jeff was going through. He had a normal life at home with the family, but was shy in front of anyone else. Soon as he started school I became aware of his situation. I would put him on the school bus, and he came home on the bus, so I assumed he was okay.

On the third day of school, I got a call from his teacher, asking me "Why Jeff had not attended school yet.?" I was taken back by what she had said.. I told her that he was getting on and off the school bus with the other children, so what was going on? She said she would watch for the school bus the next day, and watch him, to see where he was going once he got off the bus.

The mystery was solved when she saw him get off the bus and go straight to the coat closet with the other children, but he did not come out. He was crouched in the corner inside the closet. For the past three days he had sat in the closet until the kids returned to get their jackets, and he simply walked out to the bus with them.

Three weeks later, I received another call from the teacher. She asked me if Jeff was deaf, or retarded, because he did not say a word or communicate with anyone in three weeks. My husband became angry, but I knew what was happening. I had gone through the same thing. I was to terrified to talk to anyone. If anyone spoke to me, I wanted to find a hiding place and cry.

I never understood why I felt this way. I did not snap out of it until I got to college, and took an effective speech class. I was so sure that I'd pass out in front of the class giving a 5 minute speech. The fear was gripping. I was determined to pass the class so I forced myself to crawl out of my shell a bit at a time. My first speech was full of visual aids. Then I spoke a little more with each speech. It was so hard, I felt like I was going to die before getting through the speech.

That class was my turning point. I forced myself to get through it, and strangely I over came the fear, and the shyness after that. Having a shy child can be very frustrating, and mis-understood. People have all sorts of thoughts about shy kids. They are viewed as being stupid, lazy, unfriendly, and crazy. This often leads to shy children being bullied. Suicide is a common thought of shy children. They never feel good enough, or like by anyone.

I was concerned how I would protect Jeff from the cruelty of the world. Then one day out of the blue, he came home from school and said, "Mom, can I join the swim team?" I was shocked hearing that from him. He didn't even know how to swim. The instructor watched him struggle endlessly learning to swim on his own ,so he could make the team. The coach told me that he had never seen a child so determined to join the team. He made the team. He was still shy, but when it came to swim practice and swim meets, he never missed a one.

Jeff had found his place in society. He was a team member, so he was no longer teased and hassled. Like me, he went into adulthood in shyness, but he knew he had accomplished something all on his own. This gave him the courage to face every day life.

Parents and teachers need to be patient, and allow the shy child to emerge from their cocoon of shyness in their own way, and in their own time. They can not be pushed, forced or intimidated. They need a lot of support and praise for their little accomplishments. A person could not know the fear of what it is to be shy, unless they had suffered shyness themselves. Be patient, and encourage a shy child. If you try to push them to fast, they will crawl back into their shell.

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