by Michael Wetmore

Created on: February 09, 2007   Last Updated: April 25, 2007

As of late I have developed a keen interest in competitive eating. I don't understand how anyone could fail to find this stuff interesting. It's basically a sport where the competitors are cross between highly tuned athletes and sideshow freaks. Competitive eating champs like Takeru Kobayashi are not unlike the world's most elite marathoners. They simple do all they can to push the limits of human endurance. I have a hard time determining which is more impressive, running 26 miles in just over two hours, or downing 53 hot dogs in twelve minutes.

And being recently caught up in such dietary pursuits, my friends and I decided to undertake a little amateur competitive eating of our own. Akin to the backyard wrestling phenomena, we planned to get a camera and document the whole thing.

The first step is deciding upon what to eat. I believe that one should not undertake a competitive eating challenge with a food they actually like. For after filling your stomach to excess with it, you'll be turned off of it forever. I once ate a dozen donuts in 45 minutes. There was thirty bucks on the line and I still struggled. My blood sugar went through the roof and I developed a bad case of the shakes. It took a day to recover. I'll never touch a donut again.

Also, it is important to remember that competitive eating has its dangers. Not too long ago a radio station in California had a water drinking contest with a Nintendo Wii up for grabs. A woman participant died after her electrolyte levels dropped to a lethal level.

I think the best food for a competitive eating contest is something that you can't handle very much of. This imposes a relatively low ceiling for all participants. I recommend choosing something absolutely disgusting, yet more or less harmless.

How about cream corn? Nah, to simple. How about cream corn mixed with cream soda? Participants will slam back as many glasses as possible. Last man standing wins. Call it the creamy challenge.

Just remember to have a bucket and mop nearby.

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