by Kiria Pepe

Created on: August 20, 2009

Controlling panic attacks is relatively easy, once you know how. Like anything else in life. How they manifest is a mystery, and often how they are triggered too. Most of us who do and have suffered from them know that they often come out of the blue, when you least expect them. They can be pretty frightening and debilitating, and can alter one's life to such a degree that it changed out of all recognition.

Mine began soon after the death of my Mother, which hit me very hard without me even realizing it. At the time I was very busy with two small children and I didn't have the luxury of time to grieve for her. It might sound odd but that's how it was, it didn't mean I wasn't grieving. I was in a state of disbelief, of total denial, and got on with what I had to do, it wasn't until my Father decided to leave the country that the effects of my denial began to manifest into panic attacks and I was always convinced that I too was about to die as my own Mother had.

I had in effect lost both parents in such a short time, even though my Father was still alive, his departure absolutely broke my heart and soul, and I kept it inside, but it didn't stay there. I wasn't eating properly, I wasn't sleeping, and my hair began to fall out. All symptoms of stress and even though I wasn't balling my eyes every second of the day, it had to come out somehow and this is how my body reacted to my denial.

My panic attacks totally debilitated me, to such an extent that it was almost impossible for me to care for my children at the time. I was grateful for the little support I had from family members, and I certainly needed their support. They didn't have a clue what was happening, I believe they thought I was going mad. My husband had no time for it either, which certainly didn't help and while I needed his support it wasn't forthcoming.

My Doctor was quite amazing and always had the time for me when I was in panic mode. Eventually arranging for me to start therapy sessions which I did three times weekly for 6 months, and as I progressed they decreased accordingly. I also read a lot about it trying to understand what was happening to me and why.

I never did find out why but I certainly was able to identify with others and realized that there were many others who were suffering from them. Therapy brought out all the things I was keeping to the back of my mind; I was able to express my disappointment in my Father leaving, and to finally come to grips with the great loss of

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