by D-Source

Created on: August 20, 2009   Last Updated: August 22, 2009

One day; a woman decided to suffer for me! She didn't even know me! Sure, she finally got to know me, but to this day, it amazes me how this woman could love me when I made her so miserable. I made her back hurt and I made her sick to the stomach. One day, I made her scream and call the name of God Almighty; to relieve her of the pain I caused her. The day she first saw me, was one of the happiest days of her life and all I did was cry. I use to spit up on her, I stinked up her home, I broke her favorite dishes, I wrecked the house and her car. I said horrible things to her! But I ate every day and my feet were never bare. Only an Angel from God could love such an unappreciative, spoiled, brat! How many times did she catch a cold by hugging me when I had a cold? How many times did she cry because of the pain I felt? How many tears has she shed for me? How many miles has she walked for me? How many new dresses and new shoes was she deprived of, just so I could have new clothes? Who took me there and who picked me up? Not just physically, but mentally? Oooohhhh.......She got on my last nerve! She wouldn't let me go! She wouldn't let me do that and she yelled at me! She wouldn't even let me wear what I wanted to wear! But then she would give me money and paid my way and kissed me goodnight! She helped me get my first car and my first apartment. She helped me with my rent and to decorate. "Stay out of my business!" I yelled. "Don't worry about who I'm dating!" I didn't even have time to call her that often. She would say "Why can't you call me sometime?" I'm busy mom! I have to work and take care of the kids and cook dinner..... Please mom! Give me a break!

One day, she was gone! This was a sad, sad day! The Earth felt like it had tilted off of it's axis and like there was a whole in The Universe! I felt a confusion that I've never experienced and although I was surrounded by friends and family, I felt a cold, dark loneliness that sent chills through my bones, to my very soul! Now, a certain song, a sad movie or sometimes the most unlikely things will suddenly jerk a tear. Sometimes in public. I bow my head, turn away or wipe my eyes before someone notices. I love you mom! I love you soooo much! I'm soooo sorry! Truly, truly sorry...! Oh my God.... I'm so sorry.....! But can she hear me now! Will God forgive me for the pain I caused her over the years? The nights I made her worry? Has the pain I caused her shortened her life? Oh my God!

Look at me: Now I have the nerve to tell her I love her!

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