by John G. Fedoriska Jr.

Created on: August 20, 2009

A recent Times article presented the idea of a Fat Tax, based on the opinion of a medical doctor. The article touched not on only chocolate and other unhealthy items being taxed, but promoted the discriminatory notion that the overweight should pay more for their health insurance. This he said was justifiable because obesity causes known health issues such as Diabetes.

As I resemble the object of his derision myself, I found it my duty to write a witty rebuttal of sorts using my own brand of wit and sarcasm, listing another ten causes for my predicament OTHER than myself, whom I know is the real culprit. Like The Great One, Jackie Gleason used to say..."And awaaaay we go".

Ten Causes Of Obesity, And Using Taxes To Fight Them

1. How many fruits and vegetables can you afford in relation to low-cost cheap, processed, fried, or starchy fat-laden fare on a minimum wage, when you have a family to feed? These old habits are hard to break when you grow older too. Tax the wealthy so the poor can eat better. POVERTY CAUSES OBESITY!

2. There are neighborhoods far less than affluent where people are afraid to leave their homes to go for a walk. Their high crime neighborhood has them living like rats in a maze, with bars on the windows and food or alcohol and drugs as their only coping mechanisms. Tax municipalities and the federal government for not providing safe neighborhoods. ANXIETY, FEAR, AND CRIME CAUSE OBESITY!

3. The divorce rate is highest among fat-phobic males, including doctors, who, after their wives bear children, cannot return to their pre child-bearing Twiggy days. The number of men who marry a woman because she has a cute tush and nice ta tas is phenomenal. Those men need to pay an extra tax for getting them fat in the first place and then leaving. CHILD-BEARING CAUSES OBESITY!

4. Many doctors are alcoholics or drug addicts, and psychiatrists have the highest suicide rate in the nation. Their vices don't show health wise until their later years or as their job performance suffers causing medical mistakes that kill people. A psychiatrist's bad advice or a doctor who fails to he;p a fat person put down a Twinkie needs to pay a tax penalty for his incompetence. Let's tax them extra too. MEDICAL INCOMPETENCE CAUSES OBESITY!

5. Soldiers go to war and come back with no limbs, etc. They gain weight being confined to a wheel chair. Should we tax them because they require long term mental and physical care and may even become, I shudder

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