by Jean Sidden

Created on: August 19, 2009

A misconception many of us have is that listening is not important. If we are the listener in a conversation we often feel we are fulfilling the least important role. Nothing could be further from the truth. People share with us by talking and hope that we will find commonality in what they are sharing. That commonality becomes a bridge that links us to one another as we discover and discuss what's being said.

Another misconception is that listening is inactive. While we are listening to someone else we allow our mind to drift away to other places waiting for our companion to stop talking so we can jump in. Or we interrupt when we hear a word or phrase that we can comment on or argue about. However, listening, real listening is very active and takes a great amount of mental stamina and energy to excel at. No common ground will ever be reached if everyone wants to do the talking.

Does this sound like the way our political process works? Everyone is talking at once, making certain their position is heard - heard but not listened to. Hearing is a function of our ears but listening is the conscious choice we make with our minds to respect what someone else is saying and take the time to absorb it.

What is the result of that conscious choice? We learn something and we can then make an informed response. Listening also gives us the ability to ascertain what was said and perhaps orchestrate our response towards furthering a productive outcome. We exercise civility rather than bad manners by choosing to listen. And this is a world where every ounce of civility is valuable.

There is no better way to calm an irate person than listening. Angry feelings will often result in a gushing of speech to perhaps the first willing ear the angry person finds. The attempt to stave off the gush before the gush is complete will only lead to more high emotions. But if that receptive ear begins to actively listen and allows the angry person to express themselves they will learn what has made the person so angry and therefore learn how to possibly help that person work out their issue.

There is no better way to tell a child you love them than to actively listening to what they are saying. If open communication is the key to a successful family, then the important role of listening is an act of love. Think of a small child rushing in after school with a million, perhaps incomprehensible, stories to tell. The parent who will listen intently is opening lines of communication that will last into the child's adulthood.

There is an abundance of extraneous, ambient noise in our busy world that we hardly react to. It has gotten to be a kind of self-defense to actively desensitize ourselves to sirens, car horns, helicopters, jackhammers, loud music and traffic. However, when we are in the company of another person, in a conversation, we pay them the greatest compliment when we choose to actively listen to what they have to say. The result is building another bridge to better communication and relationships.

Learn more about this author, Jean Sidden.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.