by G. Emma Ryder

Created on: August 19, 2009   Last Updated: August 21, 2009

Whether you have a single child or a group the rules stay the same. It would be best if limited changes were made in the first six months. Your children's security issues are your first concern and they need to feel that their love for you and yours for them is secure and forever . Children need to know that Mom and Dad loves them. Children want to feel that they are safe and their family is stable. Children want to know that the love that Mom and Dad have for them is not based on the love you have for their father.

Let them be children. Children are used many times for one reason or another to further the fight and cause of the divorce. This is done at the harm of the children. Keep your divorce to yourself. Keep your feelings about the divorce to yourself. You have friends and family to talk about this. Your children should be out of ear shot when you decide to talk. Your children should know nothing involving your inner feelings about their father. By the same token, when they visit him, they should know nothing about how you feel about him, other than what they used to know, Mom loves Daddy, they just don't live together anymore.

Depression can set into a single person's life and keep them from enjoying their children, life and getting on with their own happiness. Take vacations, if you don't have money then camp out, in the back yard if necessary. Do something different, join groups, get involved with clubs, meet co-workers for a night out. A few dollars spent on a meal out with the girls will not keep you in the poor house or off the collectors call lists. But it will keep you thinking good thoughts and a positive outlook during hard times.

Do not get them involved in the lives of adults. Keep them out the room when you and your friends discuss problems in relationships, child support, visitation and new girlfriends or boyfriends, dates, romance or sex. Children want to be included in adult conversations but when it comes to some issues, they need to be kept in the dark. Children of divorced parents have to become accustom to seeing changes in the family dynamics. Limit your children meeting transitional people and passing acquaintances, this will help them keep safe from people that may have sinister motives for being involved in your family.

The children are dealing with rules and boundaries changing . Keep the children informed on what you are doing and what has to change and why. This does not include the explanations and reasons all leading to

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