by Savannah White

Created on: August 18, 2009

Commitment is a word women love and what women want. They want an assurance from their significant other that their relationship together will be permanent and last forever. They want security and commitment from that other person is the way to get it. On the other hand, there are some women who do not want a commitment. They would prefer to keep things as they are, casual with the option to do what they want when they want. They want, need and enjoy their freedom. While this type of attitude might sound liberating for women it is actually quite binding. Most women who don't commit are not liberated. Their avoidance of commitment is not based on being empowered to be in control of their lives. It is based in a fear of commitment.

One reason some women are afraid of commitment is a fear of being hurt again. These women have had a rough go it in past relationships and have been hurt. Perhaps they have been hurt in more than one relationship. Perhaps they have been hurt in every relationship, or hurt so many times they don't want to allow that to happen again. Of course, most people have been hurt before, but what makes it different for the commitment-phobic woman is that she is still holding on to the pain. If that hurt is not dealt with it can make a woman build walls around her heart and emotions. She will not allow anyone to get close enough to hurt her and she will develop a fear of commitment.

Some women are afraid of commitment because of what it represents. Committing to another person means sharing, compromise, and thinking of another person's feelings. Commitment means you have to give up some of what you want to make a relationship work. For women, this relationship commitment usually involves more sacrifice than it does for men. A woman afraid of commitment may fear losing her own identity when she commits to another person. She may fear losing her independence, her career when a husband and children become part of her life, her own goals and dreams. A woman afraid of commitment may fear losing herself.

Women who fear commitment may think they will never find a man who can live up to their expectations. These women believe any man she picks will be a disappointment and isn't willing to take a chance and commit. Their fear of commitment stems from unrealistic expectations about men and relationships. These women fear commitment because they can only commit when the man is perfect. Since there are no perfect men there will be no commitment.

There are certainly many other reasons women are afraid of commitment, but the fear of being hurt, the fear of losing one's self, and the fear of disappointment are the main reasons. Regardless of the cause, the problem will not be solved quickly. Fixing it will also probably require the guidance of a counselor who can help these women understand why they are afraid of commitment.

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