by Rita Kimbro

Created on: August 18, 2009   Last Updated: August 20, 2009

Is your past controlling your life?

There was a time when the answer to this question would have been a definite yes. I would waste years trying to figure out why my relationships would end and what I had done to cause it. I would blame myself and indulge in self pity. I would blame the other person and distrust all men. I would try to make others love me instead of simply loving myself. Regret and anger would rob me of precious time I can never get back. What changed? I would love to say that there was some great epiphany, but the truth is I grew up. I am not speaking chronologically; it was an emotional maturing that took time, experiences and self realization.

If we allow our past to control our present actions, then our futures are full of regrets and wishing we could recreate the past. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, which is not unusual unfortunately too many of us have. But one of the major problems my childhood caused was a feeling that other people's love was something I had to earn. I would enter relationships as a teenager and immediately believe I was in love and become needy and desperate to have the other person return that love. Looking back now I can certainly see where that would be pretty scary to someone who was trying to get to know me. And of course I had to meet that person who had his own issues and chose to exploit my needy behavior and be abusive. For many years after that relationship I could not trust men. I would often push anyone away that tried to love me because of my past disappointments and pain. I realized after years of trying to deal with my past that I was actually allowing it to control my life.

I obeyed the gospel early in life but I did not fully understand Christ's love until later. When I began to study God's word and understand that the unconditional love I craved would not come from family or relationships, but rather the love of God which was already inside me. That realization allowed me to grow and learn to love myself. Now I treat each day as a new beginning I realize that every second wasted looking back keeps me from enjoying the blessings ahead. I know that when others love me it is a blessing not something I need to survive.

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