by Christopher H. Stevens

Created on: August 18, 2009

SURVIVAL OF THE FATTEST

SETTING: The cabin of a large commercial airliner. The plane is full of passengers on route to Hawaii from Los Angeles. Seven hours into the flight, over the Pacific Ocean, one of the plane's engines catches fire. One of the passengers, MARTIN, a middle aged, heavy set man travelling alone begins to question SUSAN, a flight attendant.

MARTIN: Excuse me miss, can I get a Diet Coke?

SUSAN: Sir, we're in a bit of an emergency here. The captain has asked everyone to relax and remain calm.

MARTIN; Okay, then.I'll have a CAFFEINE-FREE diet coke.

SUSAN: Sir, there's no drink service right now. Please put your seatbelt on.

MARTIN: Does this mean that the meal will be delayed?

SUSAN: I'm afraid so.

MARTIN: (Looking out of the window) Oh, looks like the fire is out! That wasn't so bad.

CAPTAIN: (Over Intercom) Passengers, this is Captain Stewart again. Thanks for your patience, we have confirmed that the fire in our number 2 engine is out. Unfortunately, we have lost that engine, however, we are not in any immediate danger. We can continue to fly safely on the one engine.

MARTIN: I am in danger of starving to death!

SUSAN: Sir, please.

CAPTAIN: We are just about half way to Hawaii, and so we are going to continue on course. We do ask that everyone continue to reamin calm, and listen carefully to any instructions from the crew and flight attendants. At this time, flight attendants are going to review safety procedures, so we ask that you give them your full attention. Thank you.

MARTIN: Can we have the meal first, before the presentation?

EMILY: (A passenger seated next to Martin) Could you keep quiet for one minute? I'd like to hear the safety instructions.

MARTIN: Your seat cushion is a flotation device. That's all you need to know.

SUSAN: Good afternoon, passengers. At this time, we are going to once again review our safety procedures. Please follow along on the safety information located in your seat back pockets. There are three exits on either side of the aircraft. Please take a moment to locate the exit nearest you, keeping in mind that it may be behind you.

MARTIN: Well, that's good. The doors haven't moved since the last time we located them. What else?

EMILY: Quiet!

SUSAN: If we experience a loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from the compartment located over your seat.

MARTIN: Which compartment do the hamburgers drop out of?

EMILY: You might

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