by Christopher H. Stevens

Created on: August 17, 2009   Last Updated: August 18, 2009

Umbrella

Setting: A city street corner on a cloudy day. Rain is imminent. As the skies continue to darken, a rumble of thunder can be heard in the distance. ANNEMARIE is sure she wil get drenched during the fifteen minute walk to her apartment from her office. Luckily, there is an OLD WOMAN selling umbrellas on the corner outside of ANNEMARIE'S office building,

ANNEMARIE: (Approaching the OLD WOMAN): Hi, how are you?

OLD WOMAN: Do you want an umbreller or not, lady?

ANNEMARIE: (Stunned): I'm sorry?

OLD WOMAN: Okay so you're sorry. You want an umbreller?

ANNEMARIE: Well, uh, how much are they?

OLD WOMAN: (Pointing to hand-written sign on the box of umbrellas) What does the sign say?

ANNEMARIE: It says "UMBRELLERS FOR SALE" You know you spelled "umbrellas" wrong...

OLD WOMAN: Its a brand name, sweetie. My own line.

ANNEMARIE: Well, uh okay. but how much?

OLD WOMAN: Read the sign, girlie, you want it or not? Its gonna pour any second.

ANNEMARIE: (exasperated): It doesn't say how much, It just says UMBRELLERRRRS for sale.

OLD WOMAN: You making fun of my line? Everybody's hot on these this season. I just sold two to Brad Pitt, he was here not five minutes ago.

ANNEMARIE: I'm sure. Well, how much did he pay?

OLD WOMAN: That's personal. Designer Client Privilege. I go around telling people like you what my celebrity clients pay, next thing happens is I got no clients. News travels like wildfire in Hollywood.

ANNEMARIE: This isn't Hollywood. We're in Gary, Indiana, and I don't think Brad Pitt even uses umbrellas.

OLD WOMAN: You're right on that one, girlie. Mr Pitt uses UMBRELLERS. Rain gear for the discriminating sort.

ANNEMARIE: Look, ma'am, its starting to drizzle, and I have to walk home. How much for the umbrella?

OLD WOMAN: HUH? WHAT? I'M SORRY?

ANNEMARIE: Okay-UMBRELLER? How much?

OLD WOMAN: You couldn't afford it. Go get yourself a plastic bag.

ANNEMARIE: Why, you rude, nasty old....

OLD WOMAN: Get outta here before I toss one of my SLIKKERS at ya!

ANNEMARIE: I suppose you have a line of GOLASHERS too?

OLD WOMAN: What are you some kind of corporate spy? How did you know that? Get outta here before I call the cops on ya, you idea stealer!

ANNEMARIE: You're just a crazy old lady, and you can keep your stupid UMBRELLERS to yourself! I don't mind getting a little wet!

OLD WOMAN: Suit yourself, sweetie, You'll be back just like Oprah was.

ANNEMARIE: Whatever.

ANNEMARIE began walking home in the steadily falling rain. She ran across the street and down a few blocks as quickly as she could. Before she knew it, the rain had developed into a heavy downpour. A man approached her from behind.

MAN: Excuse me miss, would you like to walk with me? You're getting soaked.

ANNEMARIE turned to the gentleman, and walked toward him.

ANNEMARIE: That's very nice of you-OH MY GOD! You're Brad Pitt!

BRAD: Here get under the Umbreller. I'll walk you home.

ANNEMARIE: Can I ask you how much you paid for that?

THE END

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