by Kaitlyn Black

Created on: August 17, 2009

Infidelity is a significantly loose term. It's hard to define, really-so many with whom I've spoken have maintained different viewpoints regarding what constitutes unfaithful behavior in marriage. A friend has told me that cheating does not occur until physical intimacy of the utmost variety has been met, and another of my friends has expressed her belief that having an intimate conversation with another man or woman is cheating. I think we can all concur that understanding of infidelity differs from each individual to another.

Understanding of infidelity aside, the question remains at the end of the day: What to do when one is cheated on, or is in the cheater's position?

Quite a question, that. The discovery of one's spouse's extracurricular activity (or God forbid, activities) is never a gratifying one. So many further questions follow the basic what-to-do's, if thoughts of splitting occur, such as what about the kids (if there are any), what about the 401K, what about the in-laws, and are we making the right decisions? In my humble opinion, however, I feel that the most important question, and the one that must be asked first, is "Can we salvage this relationship?"

If an affair is being had, it might be time to reassess said relationship. Things are rarely all they seem, I've learned, be it that the cheater has appeared faithful, only to have entertained one or more affairs on the side, or that the cheater seemed happy, but wasn't, and sought happiness elsewhere, or any other host of situations that can somehow bear the rotten fruit of infidelity.

I will regale you, as is my way, of a personal story regarding infidelity. I've been cheated on twice, by my ex-fiance and by my husband. In the case of the former, I learned that his own insecurities and need to have power over at least one thing in the life that he felt was completely beyond his control led him to the path of infidelity. In my husband's case, he was discouraged and frustrated by what was a difficult situation for both of us, and he dealt with it by drinking-which, naturally, lowered his inhibitions, and ultimately to one great big drunken mishap.

I've decided to forgive him his oops. I will tell you, however, that he is on strict probation.

I digress. To continue, though, I have discovered through listening to the stories of others and through my extensive reading that these cases are not unique to them. The behavioral patterns of cheating are usually, upon observation, identifiable.

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