by Paul Schingle

Created on: August 17, 2009

To my way of thinking, any friendship that has to be "dealt with" may be a friendship that's already in trouble. What exactly is a platonic relationship? And, why does this question fall under the sub-heading, "Friendship Drama and Issues?" According to my dictionary (American Heritage-2nd College Edition), platonic love (friendship) is defined as, "...transcending physical desire and tending toward the purely spiritual or ideal." Using that definition, any friendship that is not physical in nature is deemed platonic. So, two men, two women or a man and a woman can have a platonic friendship. Most people, when they use the term, refer to a man and a woman who are friends with no sexual tension. For the purposes of this piece, that is what will be used as the definition.

For me, a friend is someone who you can spend time with and be yourself without fear of reprisal. There is no drama, because your friend already understands your sense of humor, your little quirks, your own brand of weirdness and still wants to spend time with you. That's part of the reason I don't like this title falling under this sub-heading. With a true friend, there should be no drama. I do understand that, for some people, having a friend of the opposite sex can be difficult without sexual tension getting in the way. I also believe that, as we get older, this becomes less of a problem. For some, it can still be a problem, but it shouldn't be as intense. There are exceptions.

I once had a co-worker named Kim. We had a mutual friend named Sandra. I happened to mention to Kim that I was going to grab a drink with Sandra after work. Kim's reaction rather surprised me. She asked if my wife was going to be upset. I asked her why she would be. My wife had met Sandra and she knew the nature of our friendship. None of this was very important to me, but I did find it strange that Kim was surprised, not only by Sandra's and my friendship, but by the fact that it didn't bother my wife. At that time, we were all in our thirties and I thought, "Haven't we outgrown this?" Apparently, I was wrong.

My point to all this is, why wouldn't two people of the opposite sex be able to be friends without there being any drama? Without there being something to deal with? Sandra's in a relationship. I'm in a relationship. We both know that. And still, much to some people's surprise, we can go out, have a drink and a bite and a laugh and go away to our happy situations. It's really that simple. No drama. Nothing to "deal with." I'm the first to say that Sandra is an attractive woman (physically). I'll even say it to my wife. Heck, she'd even agree. So? We're friends-without drama.

The best way to deal with a platonic friendship is the way you'd deal with any other friendship. You treat each other with respect. You understand boundaries. You laugh together. You lean on each other when you need to. If you can't deal with a platonic friend the way you'd deal with any other friend, then I'd say you've got some work to do on the friendship.

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