by Nicole Wetherbee

Created on: August 17, 2009   Last Updated: August 20, 2009

With the current divorce rate at about 50%, one can concur that there are a lot of parents out there having difficult conversations with their children about why Mom and Dad will no longer be living together. Of course, you can read book after book on how to handle the discussion with your children but when it comes right down to it, the ultimate moment, you really cannot look to a canned script to maneuver through this uncomfortable situation.

My ex and I had this conversation with our children about three years ago. At the time my oldest was 14 and the youngest was 9. We sat the kids down and told them that we just could not live in the same house together anymore. I was shocked to hear their response that they thought a divorce may be coming. You see, children are much wiser than we give them credit for, even at the young age of nine. And, when you have more than one child, they communicate together and form their own conclusions, whether correct or not.

For a long time we tried to have our disagreements out of earshot but towards the end, we were not as careful. Even though they only heard a handful of our arguments in a four-year time span, that was enough for them to begin fearing for what eventually happened. What they really understood was the tension and the vibe in the air. Parents often try and hide their disagreements but they cannot hide their attitude, sad eyes, quivering voices, and lack of enthusiasm that they once had when they were happy.

In our situation, the talk that we thought was going to take place did not. We had planned to tell the kids that we were getting a divorce and the problems were strictly between us and had nothing to do with them. The talk turned into a conversation about how our lives were going to change. It was really about them asking questions and expecting honest answers. The children were less interested in why we were getting a divorce, as they felt they had already figured that out on their own with our constant bickering and tension. What they really wanted to know was:

Was there any possible chance that we may reconcile? Who are we going to live with? Where are we going to live? Will we have to change schools (kids do not want their personal lives interrupted)? Who gets to keep certain possessions (they felt stability with their belongings)? What about holidays?

I really did not know what to expect from their reaction or how often we would discuss the divorce. What I found was the separation of a family is

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