by Chris Torgersen

Created on: August 17, 2009

The dissolution of a marriage is a traumatic, life-altering event, the scope of which is difficult to communicate to those who have not been through it. Habits and rituals formed over years of being with a particular other person are brought to an abrupt halt. You no longer have someone next to you in the bed. There is one less toothbrush in the bathroom, and when you come home from work, nothing has moved from where you left it. The sudden stillness and quiet of singlehood is deafening.

With that in mind, the following pieces of advice were given to me when my own marriage ended a year ago. I have found them to be quite useful, so I will pass them on.

1. Get out and get moving. The most immediate problem is that you are left with time to sit around and think at a point in life when doing so is not necessarily healthy. Time once spent with your spouse becomes time in which you're not sure what to do with yourself. The best thing to do is to find some activity that gets you out of the house and keeps your spirits up. Physical activity is always a fine way to fight the potentially crippling anxiety and negativity that come with most divorces. Even just taking long walks or bike rides can lift one's spirits substantially. Anything beats sitting around the home you once shared with someone else.

Even if you are the one who moved out and you are in a new place, there will be plenty of reminders around you of your failed marriage, from items you once owned together to photos or music that remind you of your ex-spouse. You need to get away from those things, even if just for a few hours here and there. Ideally, you can build new routines. Take different routes home from work, sign up for activities you'd been considering but hadn't gotten around to doing. Make a new life, as quickly as you are able to handle. The sooner you start anew and give yourself new things to which you can look forward, the sooner you will learn to live with the stillness and the void in your bed.

2. Avoid the rebound relationship. While it is great to form new routines and meet new people, however, the initial period after a divorce is far from an ideal time to start a new romantic relationship. You need to learn to stand on your own feet again before you will be able to commit yourself to someone new; otherwise, you are shortchanging both yourself and the new partner. It is tempting to try to fill that void, but it is more important to learn to live with it. The most likely result of

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>