Lost
From the second I awoke on the day of my initiation into manhood, I felt concern and uneasiness about the trials ahead. I began thinking; why do I need to prove that I am worthy to be a part of my home? The slight burning sensation that could be felt in the air added to my unease, continuing to degrade my confidence until all that remained was fear. Seeing the familiar faces of the tribe purposefully engaged in their daily jobs, without even noticing me; sent a cold panic, shivering down my spine. Out of frustration I shook my head and broke into a run towards the clear, shimmering lake which ran alongside our village. I dove into the shallow depths feeling the cool water encompass my body, immediately soothing and relaxing my entire body. I was now ready within myself to face the initiation process.
I made my way through the rustling village, absently greeting friends and family who all offered their sympathetic expressions, but ensured it was vital to my transformation into a functioning member of the tribe, to be like all the other men. Still the question of why I needed to prove myself lingered. I feared the idea of conforming however I took a breath and pressed on towards the elder's hut; a dominant structure surrounded by totems and other sacred decorations to ward off evil spirits. I stopped momentarily to absorb the impact of seeing this foundation of our humble society, even though I passed this hut daily, this time was different; like experiencing danger for the first time. My heart stopped for a fleeting moment. The still, scorching air licked my motionless body. Everything slowed and the moment lasted an eternity; until finally the elders requested my approach.
Their fragile but strong bodies stood before me, their battle-scars stared into my eyes representing their honour in defending their people, and they had covered their faces and bodies in ceremonial paint outlining their ancient features instilling a spiritual aura around them. High Elder Kikuyu spoke slowly in our native tongue, chanting a prayer to deliver me to manhood, his voice was deep and gentle a somewhat comfort to my nerves. I was then covered in ceremonial paint and surrounded with the overwhelming smell of incense, clouding my mind and all of my thoughts. The remaining elders dancing around me chanted something incomprehensible; the commotion and natural high that was forced upon me; caused me to collapse.
I rose from the dusty ground in a trance unaware of anything around me other than the powerful aroma of spices that filled my lungs. I then saw what appeared to be an apparition, nothing like the ancestors described to me during the preparation for the vision I was to encounter. The faded creature which resembled a half man, half beast, spoke to me in a vibrant language I had never heard, but I understood every word. Your path is set by your own actions the spirit whined in a voice of agony and torment, like a man begging for release from pain. I felt my consciousness fade into an empty darkness.
I slowly opened my eyes, hearing murmuring of various familiar voices. My family stood at bay watching me, I was spread out on a stone altar which was covered with dry red blood stains. I froze for a moment trying to gather myself. The elder standing beside me raised his right hand revealing a sharp blade which reflected bright light into my eyes. I knew what was to be done, and I couldn't tolerate the imminent torment I was about to experience. The compassionate voices of my family and friends reminding me You will become like all the other men and a part of the tribe. resonating through my mind.
No! I cried out This is no test of character! my defiance caused confusion and rage in the elders. I knew my behaviour would not be dealt with lightly and so I flew to my feet and escaped. I ran into the hot, desolate land ahead for as long as my body would persist until I finally collapsed under a Baobab tree miles from the village, falling into a deep sleep. My dreams were haunted by the faces of my tribe; wondering, why I ran. I kept reliving the moment on that altar, every time was the same; anguish overwhelmed me like an unstoppable force. I had never been so frightened; my heart was racing, my head was spinning and I was breathless. I got to my feet and kept moving away from the tribe, disconnecting myself from the past; even if I wanted to return I would be exiled for my actions. My only option was forward
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I have lost track of time, it must be at least a dozen moons since I left the tribe. The dire loneliness I face every instant in this desolate wasteland, which I had once considered a 'new land of prosperity' has brought me to the horrific realization. I desperately need companionship, not even a creature can live without it. I long to be a part of the community that I have forsaken, and what was it all for? My despair and insecurity Those so called terrors I feared within the tribe seem so insignificant compared to the isolation I now feel like an icy grip around my body constantly hindering my endeavours. Despite a strong acceptance within myself, it was not enough