by Joy Johnson

Created on: August 16, 2009

Today your chances of being a step parent at some point in your life is a high probability. Unless you can assure that your marriage will last for a life-time, that your spouse will never die or leave you, you could find yourself in a relationship with children other than your own.

As a person who found myself in a relationship involving step-children I can tell you first hand the pitfalls and the useful things that I discovered in my journey as a step-mother. The most important objective that parents face is the reality that if the situation isn't handled appropriately, the relationship could fall apart quickly and innocent children could face another situation where they must transition once again into a situation of uncertainty, another divorce.

When the relationship with your spouse is new it is tempting to believe that you could face all odds, without exception, and that your love for one another will always hold the relationship together. But once the honeymoon period is over and life settles in, you may discover that loving a child that is not your natural flesh and blood can be a challenge, especially if they are acting out or have behavior problems.

Communication and Planning Are Crucial

Decide early in the relationship how you will handle discipline problems and who will be primarily responsible for carrying out child care issues. Determine who will be responsible to get the child to day care or school, who attends parent teacher conferences, which church will be attended and how to handle the ex when it comes to custody disputes and visitation complications. These are issues most people don't think about going into the relationship but they are important to iron out before they begin to tear down your resolve and decay an otherwise loving relationship.

Once you have addressed these issues it is time to invest in your relationship with your step child. You might think of the relationship like you would a bank account, where you make deposits or withdraws in your relationship account.

Like a bank account, too many withdrawals will result in making up what should have been reserved for the account plus certain insufficient fund fees. Failing to do what you promised, for example, will result in a loss of trust and in order to resolve the issue it is important to explain to the child why you could not or did not come through with what you promised. Once the child understands why and sees that you are making an effort to keep their trust, they will comply with

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