by Timo Cerantola

Created on: August 15, 2009   Last Updated: August 20, 2009

Dear Abby, I'm Historically Challenged.

I don't want to give my identity away so let's just say I'm the former leader of a very powerful North American country. I'm writing you because I have a bit of a legacy problem. I thought you might be able to help me out.

You see Abby, for most of my tenure as president, I was basically what they call a lame duck leader, not like a real duck that is actually lame like from having a bad leg or being shot by Dick Turdblossom (not his real name) but a lame duck like in the way they call presidents who are merely figureheads without any real power. I don't really know why they call us that, they just do. Anyways, I am real concerned with how history will remember me.

Now I used to be a pretty popular leader with huge approval ratings. Heck, everyone wanted to have a beer with me. But, by the end of my career, everyone just called me Washington's village idiot as my popularity dropped faster than a mob informant in the Hudson River.

Anyway, I was hoping y'all could help me out with some advice regarding my historical legacy.

I always wanted to be leader. My daddy was a leader. I thought it would make me very happy. The leader before me, "Bill Klinton" (name changed to protect his identity) always looked so calm, cool and collected that is, until he got caught with his pants down a few years back.

Seems a lot of those intern girls really went for Billy, though if you ask me, that Veronica Brewinski girl (not her real name either) was easier than microwave popcorn. But I guess beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder, heh-heh-heh, get it?

Anyway, ol' Bill still gets lots of invites to fancy dinners and everybody liked him because of his smooth, fast talking charm and gentlemanly manners.

Now it's true, over the years, my leadership has had a few problems. The people see me as a witless dork and a moron just because I can't pronounciate some words so good. So what, if my vocabulary is as bad as uh whatever?

And so what if I got my country mixed up in a couple of really dumb wars and then declared victory - and then screwed up a hurricane disaster relief thing - and messed up my country's finances, turning the wealthiest nation on the planet into a economic basket case. OK, so I made a couple of mistakes.

If only I got an easy ride like another former leader of my nation, "Donald Deagan" (not his real name). Now "Donald" had quite a few laughs, he met the Pope, bombed Libya, sang some old Irish tunes with a few heads

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