by Karla Hernandez

Created on: August 15, 2009   Last Updated: August 16, 2009

I can appreciate a miracle. Miracles happen every day to everyone. It may be a small insignificant event that you may not even notice or give any thought to. Miracles can be big or small and they happen all the time. This is my belief anyway.

One of the most amazing miracles of life is the miracle of reproduction and birth. I have always been fascinated by this and I sought to learn more and educate myself about this miraculous event. However, this was not a miracle I wanted to personally experience. I appreciate it, of course- it's almost sacred. I never wanted any part of being pregnant and giving birth and caring for a newborn baby. I love my sleep. So, adoption was always a better option for me- adopting a child who was already sleeping through the night, and who had been potty trained. Or as I would jokingly say: a child who was already 18. That was more my style. I was just not maternal.

When it came down to the point that my husband and I wanted a child, we chose to adopt Let me backtrack a bit by saying that most of the time in my life I didn't want a child. I was happy being the free-spirited, fly by the seat of my pants, adventurous, independent woman that I proclaimed to be. My life was set. I worked full time (not always at a job I loved) and I enjoyed very intense daily exercise with sports I really enjoyed (like roller blading, biking, ice skating and running). For me, my physical fitness level and stamina was more important than anything. It's who I was. I defined myself by those things. I felt confident and strong. It just made me feel really good and I was not about to give it up.

My husband and I had submitted our initial application, complete with photographs, to get on the list to adopt a child. It's not cheap of course, but I wasn't getting pregnant and I really didn't want to be pregnant. I didn't care if the baby was blood related or not. I was adopted, too. It just really didn't matter to me where the baby came from. So, off we went on our journey to adopt. After a few months, I realized that it was really not that easy. All the paperwork, doctor's visits, forms and not to mention the money- I had decided I just didn't want to go through with it. I was happy not being a mom and not having a little life to be responsible for. At my age (I was in my late 30s at the time) I still thought I was too young to deal with all of that. Yes, I did not have one ounce of maternal instinct in my blood...or genetic make up. It just wasn't something

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