by Nathan Wada

Created on: August 15, 2009

SETTING: Teahupoo, Tahiti. A.K.A. "The Heaviest Wave in the World." 36 hours prior to the forecast arrival of Tropical Storm Alizee.

CHARACTERS:

NATE: an American expat from Maui.

MAOHINUI: Teahupoo native. Maohinui knows Nate from their days surfing every major break in the Hawaiian Islands.

(Dawn patrol. Camera steadily zooms in from the horizon toward the beach. Camera tails a wave and follows it from swell to crest to climax. Audio picks up on the carnage wrought by Teahupoo's tantrums. Camera pans to Nate and Maohinui on the beach. A strong northeasterly is flying sand everywhere as ominous dark clouds coalesce over the coast. Nate and Maohinui are observing Teahupoo.)

NATE: Look at her shove. Dude, is her lip supposed to be as thick as her height?! I mean, Pipeline weighs a ton, but this girl is like ... Rubenesque!

MAOHINUI: Yeah, she IS hungry; devours posers with malice aforethought. Well, she would if they went out there. Funny how no one messes with Tehuapoo, but Pipe gets all those provs and groms clogging up the waves.

NATE: Yeah, love all those So-Cal kids who are like, "Yeah man, 10-foot regular at Huntington," then get dumped on every two-footer at Pipe. Hey, how high is she climbing out there?

MAOHINUI: 10-12, maybe. This storm is feeding her. Look at that spit trail behind her. That's all from Alizee's forerunners. Heard on the news that she's going to give us 70 mile-per-hour winds.

NATE: (as he takes his board out of Maohinui's jeep) Well, better get to my girl out there before Alizee does then. Brah, this will be EPIC!

MAOHINUI: Wait, wait wait, wait, WAIT! "Before Alizee does?" Dude, we came just to spock it out, I told you that like 40 times. You're NOT going out there today or at anytime before the storm.

NATE: Go check your notes again buddy, cuz I'm going out there in like three minutes.

MAOHINUI: You're really not.

NATE: Brah, I REALLY am. This is historic, my Tahitian brother, and history is inexorable.

In fact, this is more than historic, this is HOMERIC! Ballads will be sung of our conquests today. Veni, vidi, vicissitude and all that noise.

MAOHINUI: These friggin' Yankees! When will they learn?

NATE: Yo, how am I a Yankee? I'm from HAWAII! Dude, we became a state in 1959.

Anyways, yeah, but like I said you can't stop the inevitable machinations of history.This stuff is pre-destined my friend. It's GOTS TA happen.

And forget history, there's no way you can stop LOVE.

Brah, I'm so twitterpated on my lady out

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