by Daniel B

Created on: February 08, 2007   Last Updated: May 02, 2007

It's not unusual to feel that you have less in common with single friends once you're in a serious relationship or married. And it's not uncommon to want to spend more time with your partner. That's all well and good.

Sometimes, though, it can be all too easy to neglect your other friendships and be obsessive or clingy or smothering toward your partner. I've been fortunate to avoid that for the most part, but I've definitely found myself in situations at times where my wife and I really should have spent more time with other friends and given each other a little space.

My wife was more sensitive to - and sensible about - this than I was, and made a point of always having a girlfriend or two she could hang out with on occasion. I never gave friends too much thought, because I was always working.

Eventually, though, I realized how important it was to her to be close to people other than me, and to correctly balance how she related to me with the rest of her life. Surprisingly, not long after that I found myself in some new roles professionally where I wound up working with a lot of cool people, interacting with the public and even traveling extensively, so I just accepted it and made friends all over the world.

Now neither of us drives the other crazy by constantly being in their hair, and we each have a whole bunch of friends. Sometimes it feels really weird compared to the old days of codependency, but overall, it's probably a lot healthier.

Making new friends works pretty much the same when you're married as it did all along. You start by going out the door of your home, closing it behind you, and not running screaming at the sight of other people. Once you've got that down, it's pretty easy!

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