by Nathan Wada

Created on: August 15, 2009

LOCATION: Porch swing on a beachfront lanai. Haleiwa, Hawaii. Sunset.

CHARACTERS

NATE: 40-something marketing director at J.W. Marriott Wailua. The confluence of an imminent divorce, a woeful tourist industry, his dog's heart murmur, and a renegade prefrontal lobe has dropped Nate squarely onto the metaphysical ponderable: "Do I get on Prozac or will a hot bath and ice cream medicate this?"

KAMUELA: Nate's high school classmate. Kamuela manages the Marriot's luau and is Nate's principal confidant.

(The sun is setting on Oahu's North Shore. Nate had invited Kamuela over to his place for a backyard barbecue and to talk. Nate stares at the sun's descent and begins to muse)

NATE: Down it goes again; look at how fast it's sneaking away. Low-wattage, dilettante slacker. What's the sun need all that downtime for? Most of us are still on the clock down here, what's it got that's so damn compelling that it needs to take off so early everyday?

KAMUELA: Still on top of the world I see. What's put you in such high spirits?

NATE: I dunno bro. So, I've been thinking, like, when did the evolution of civilization plateau out so comprehensively that in 2009 we're stuck as this retrograde rat pack agglomeration of 7 billion thoroughly rudderless and utterly laughable biological specimens?

KAMUELA: Yeah, we're something. You wanna toss me that relish over there?

NATE: I'm serious guy. Look, think about it: Finance, incongruous lending policies, divorce litigation, thousands of dollars to examine a dog, sub-prime whatnots, putting pickle detritus on hot dogs like you're doing right now.

I mean, this is a cosmic farce, right? This is over-the-top buffoonery, right? What kind of quasi-advanced race has ... ANYTHING like EVERYTHING we subscribe to and follow to our expeditious ends?

KAMUELA: "Pickle detritus?" Oh, right, thanks for the relish.

NATE: Who was it that said: "I think the surest sign of the existence of intelligent life in this universe is that none of it has tried to contact us"? I could not "Amen" more heartily. Seriously, when I take three seconds to consider exactly what consumes my existence, what I am personally CHOOSING to invest time, money, and respiration in ... I mean, I'm baffled by what we as a species are willing to put our heads down and go after.

KAMUELA: Buddy, I WILL need mustard after all. Much obliged.

NATE: So it turns out that species homo sapiens sapiens alone is "blessed" with the neocortex, which affords us the exclusive right

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