by Melissa Crossley

Created on: August 15, 2009

The Signs of an Abusive Relationship:

First off, and most important thing to realize is that, in the beginning, there are rarely signs of any type that would hint to you that he is going to harm you. Most abusers act like normal men. They treat you decent, bring you flowers, and say they love you. It's after a while that they begin the cycle of abuse.

Verbal Abuse: This is the first stage in most D.V. relationships. He begins with slight name calling, or verbal affronts such as "you never have dinner ready," "you don't do anything with yourself." This becomes more abusive with each turn until you are hearing "bitch," "whore," "worthless", "not good at anything." At first, he will apologize to you but still claim it was your fault, and if you just didn't do that then he wouldn't have to say those things.

Cutting You Off: This is the second step an abuser takes in order to isolate you and make you more dependent on him. He tells you he hates your friends and wishes you would just hang out with him so that you can be closer. He tells you he hates your family, and wishes you would not go to them all the time. He may even ask you to quit your job, by saying something like, "Honey, you don't need to work. I can take care of you. Let me take care of you, you deserve that." Pretty soon, you have no friends and you're not close to your family anymore. You are alone. This is what he wants. Now he can tell you that you won't leave because he is the only person that cares for you. And you will believe him.

Physical Abuse: He begins by grabbing you, or pushing you. Then he hits you or slaps you. He makes you tell lies to the doctor about those marks on your arms, or about the black eye that he didn't mean to give you because he brought you flowers and said he was sorry. From this point ,the escalation can be quick and sometimes deadly.

It's hard to leave and it's hard to stay. It comes down to you finally getting a gut full and realizing that you are worth way more than this. You need to know that you don't deserve this treatment, and that hurting you is not the same as loving you. You need to know that you are not alone, and that there is help out there for you when you're ready to leave.

Never allow someone to take away your friends or your family. If someone tells you they are concerned about how you're being treated, listen to what they are telling you: it just may save your life one day.

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